The United States Postal Service (USPS) is Going Out of Business? Good Riddance

On an early winter morning in the 1970’s my grandfather struggled to get out of bed. He was home from work with a fever. But, nonetheless, he needed to shovel the sidewalk because Gene the mailman would be making his rounds in the next hour or two.

My grandfather proudly owned a corner piece of property in the Queens neighborhood we called home. Even an inch or two of snow was a significant undertaking considering the sidewalk wound from 260th Street halfway up 82nd Ave ending at the Nemchek’s property. It wasn’t the usual Archie Bunker house typically found in the borough by any means.

The truth was my grandfather liked Gene. As a fellow civil servant, he understood the challenges he faced. My grandfather respected the man and treated him with dignity and respect. For that reason, even if he was home sweating from a 100-degree plus fever, he passionately believed he owed Gene a shoveled walkway. On that winter morning, he treated Gene to a neatly paved place to walk as he made his daily rounds. It was a badge of honor among civil workers.

Off went my grandfather, shovel in hand, to clean the sidewalk of the four inches of snow that fell that January day. Of course, being Eastern European, he would never pay anyone to do it for him. Pride would not allow for such a thing.

Gene was appreciative of my grandfather’s efforts. He never said, ‘thank you’ however, he didn’t have to. He greeted my entire family with his warm, gentle smile. Even though I was just 10-years old, he knew my name. He also knew the name of my little hellion friends and their families names as well.

The Brady Bunch would have been proud.

Who is my mailman today? I couldn’t begin to tell you. All I know about him is he looks like a cross between Larry the Cable Guy and one of the Hanson Brothers from the Paul Newman movie Slap Shot. If he somehow manages to get a full weeks of mail delivered correctly, I am tickled pink. I can only guess what his personal goal of mail delivering accuracy is currently set at – 80-90% at best.

Gene would never have such shoddy standards.

Before this character, we had a heavy set woman delivering mail. She made it a habit of walking across home owners front lawns. She looked tough and angry so I suppose no one ever had the gumption to ask her to use the sidewalk.

Then there was ‘Mr. Axl Rose’ as I liked to refer to him. Certainly a heavy metal reject, he looked as angry as the aforementioned woman.

By this point, I am sure you get the picture. I can only guess but I imagine I have had about a half dozen independent contractors delivering my mail over the past few years. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally someone asks how I am. I have even had the experience of almost a months’ worth of mail delivery without having to trek a misguided envelope to a neighbor’s home. Most of these 21st century mail deliverers seem like very nice people to me. Not all, but most.

For some, the post office has always represented a time when America was simpler. It is an ode to the days of Wally and the Beaver. But that was yesterday.

With the post office planning on shutting down as many as ten percent of its offices to cut waste from unprofitable locations, alternate ways of delivering mail are currently in the works. Don’t think you will need to visit your local Target or Wal-Mart to retrieve your mail? Think again. It is an option being explored by the once trusty government service.

I suggest something more dramatic and radical. I suggest we close down all the post offices and let free enterprise run mail delivery. I could be wrong, however, I just don’t anticipate another ‘Gene the mailman’ ever coming to the front door. It’s a little taste of America that just no longer exists. Perhaps I am too much of a country boy nowadays, but if I can’t have a replica of Gene the Mailman, then I don’t want any government employee, representative, or independent contractor coming to my front door.

Unfortunately, the once proud institution has run its course. Without personalized service and warm smiles, this over bloated government agency might as well be the social security office or motor vehicle department. We all know how fun it is visiting them.

As for the motto, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds” it can stay. We just need to make sure it ends with a, “Get your mail while shopping K-mart smart.”


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