While no scientific studies have been done (to my knowledge), here are 7 reality TV shows I believe are almost guaranteed to kill brain cells. The shows are presented in no particular order, and while the list is quite far from extensive, I still cannot in good conscience leave you without a warning: the damage may be irreparable, so watch at your own risk!
Jersey Shore
Get a bunch of Guidos piss drunk and watch the chaos that ensues. Throw in horrid spray tans, Jersey-specific slang, awful haircuts, roid-rage-induced bar fights, fat drunk girls wearing gaudy slutty outfits (flashing their privates in public arenas) and falling down a bunch, and we’ve pretty summed up the program. Lacking completely in substance, this is one of those shows where, in its presence, you can actually feel yourself losing IQ points.
Tori & Dean: Inn Love
One word: How? And another one: Why? If you’re wondering why this horse-face won’t disappear already, I assure you that you are not alone. How this show lasted past its first two episodes is beyond me. Why anyone would want to watch Tori Spelling and her doormat, no-name of a husband (seriously, does anybody even know this guy’s last name?) attempt a number of failed businesses is also equally difficult to comprehend.
The Bad Girls Club
An all-girl version of Jersey shore perhaps, The Bad Girls club is a smorgasbord of flighty “bad girls” engaging in massive binge drinking and fights–from the occasional actual hair-pulling cat fight to the far more common verbal brawl about the pettiest of things like who took who’s contact lenses. The humorous (and simultaneously sad) aspect is the ego on these girls, which any first-year psychology student would cite as clear evidence to various underlying psychological complexes. Each one sporting a tough attitude, and going ballistic over the most minute of infractions–the problems are sadly also what make the show’s appeal.
Kim & Kourtney Take New York (or any show starring any member of the Kardashians for that matter)
There’s little that both boggles and bothers me more than when people are famous simply for being famous. In Kim and Kourtney take New York, we get to watch them open another in their growing chain of clothing stores. We also sometimes get to hear them talk about their relationships, and other boring things. Trust me: it’s OK to yawn.
The Real World
Everyone knows the setup: stick seven strangers into a random house in some random place for a few months and watch as things slowly start to “get real”. Going into its 27th season now, the show deserves a little bit of credit for being original, and dare I admit, interesting–at first. But with the recent surge of “reality smut”, the Real World too has gone quickly downhill, pandering only to the lowest of audiences. Typecasting is also another annoying factor (you have your obligatory gay guy, black guy, good guy, tough guy, etc.). More constant partying, clashing personalities, and arguments over the pettiest of issues define this ‘classic’ and longest-running reality TV drama.
Toddlers & Tiaras
Take a bunch of unkempt, backwoods, overweight pageant moms living vicariously through their whiny, spoiled, self-entitled–and exploited–children (little boys and girls alike), competing for worthless sashes, tiaras, and trophies by parading around in makeup and bikinis, and I guess you’ve got yourself a show. While I admit there is something that can be learned by watching a few episodes–e.g., how not to be a bad parent–this show is sadly a pedophile’s dream.
Bridezillas
I imagine the women featured in this show is what happens to the babies exploited in Toddlers & Tiaras after they grow up–i.e., the final product: a collection of whiny, bitchy, self-entitled brides-to-be that nitpick at every little detail regarding their upcoming nuptials. Rivaling Tori and Dean’s show in terms of being boring, the one positive is that this show makes a great, cost-free, substitute for Unisom, or any other sleeping pill or tranquilizer.
Since this list has been, like I said, far from extensive, please stay on the lookout for Part Two of the series, TV Shows Guaranteed to Rot Your Brain .