Stop here every day for a new question and answer, practical help for busy parents.
Question
How should I punish my daughter for getting a permanent tattoo without my permission?
Answer
Start by having the girl pay to have it removed. You can expect charges of at least $500, with several painful treatments. Large tattoos will prove more expensive to remove. Fortunately, you probably won’t be footing the bill, at least not directly.
Reiterate to your daughter your stance on tattoos, then start dunning her for the cost. If she has money already, earmark it for the tattoo removal. If she works a job, allocate 80% of her take-home pay to cover the treatments. If she has no money and doesn’t work, put her to work around the house, preferably doing chores that you currently pay someone else to do.
It is possible that you will end up paying for the removal yourself, even if you assign her every chore in the house. If you don’t normally hire out jobs, you may end up paying for work that generally gets done for free. But while it might be tempting to simply allow the tattoo to stay, resist that urge. If your daughter contributes the sweat, she should get the message that you are serious – even if you end up contributing the bucks.
Requiring your daughter to pay for the removal is in one way a punishment, and she will certainly perceive it as such. But from a parenting standpoint, another punishment is needed. If children play catch with a jar of mayonnaise and end up getting the kitchen messy, cleaning up the spill is a response to the action, not a punishment. The same principal applies here.
Tell your daughter about the payment requirement, then set up a detailed plan for making good on her debt. After you finish with that, say something like, “Now that we’ve arranged to clean up the mess, let’s get to the punishment.” You didn’t mention the girl’s age, but I recommend that you use the same punishment you would apply if the girl stole something or used profanity or got into a fight at school. The nature of the punishment is less important than the fact that you levy one.
Question
When should you stop giving your kid money, as in an allowance? Ever since I started college, I have been receiving about $35 a week to help me learn to manage money. This is spending money – they already pay my food and housing. I never received an allowance when I was younger, but my parents would give me money sometimes if I needed something. But I’ve always felt bad about getting money from other people, though my parents say that supporting me is their job. I can’t shake off the feeling of I don’t deserve to be paid. Any ideas?
Answer
You’re not being paid. You’re being supported. There is a difference.
The fact that you asked this question suggests that you instinctively understand this difference, which in the long run is a good thing.
Don’t worry about your parents giving you some folding money. You can use it to pay for public transit, grab a burger when you’re off campus, or take your girl to a concert. If you prefer, you can save it for a large purchase like a car or a nice Christmas present for those generous parents. Use it wisely, and don’t give it another thought.
There will come time – I suspect sooner rather than later – when both you and your parents will realize you no longer need their support. Until then, your parents are doing what they feel is right. Respect their wishes and don’t overanalyze this support.
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