I am a parent, and I have made mistakes. This is not something that I have been able to easily admit. But I’ve come to realize that there are parents just like me all over the world, who make mistakes even though they’ve sworn never to be “that” parent. I’d like to share my mistakes and how to avoid in them in the hopes that you and your children will learn from my bad experiences, not your own.
Children are not adults.
A child is not mature enough to understand many emotions, such as charity, empathy and selflessness, which we take for granted as adults. This year, my 4-year-old daughter Anne received a duplicate doll for her birthday. I suggested we give it to a local charity for their Christmas drive and was treated to a piercing: “But it’s MINE!” I was stunned by her words and told her she was being selfish. What I should have done was look at the situation from a child’s point of view and explained the reason for charity (“This would make another little girl very happy.”) instead of assuming she already understood.
Don’t take everything personally.
This is something I still grapple with every day. You should never let your personal emotions affect how you punish or deal with your child. Anne and I once came back from an exhausting day of errands to find that the dog had scattered toys all over the house. I asked Anne to help me pick up the mess, which she refused to do. I was furious, and sent her to her room until dinnertime-a huge overreaction. I let my own tiredness and frustration get in the way of an appropriate consequence, and should have waited until I wasn’t emotional to properly handle the issue.
Be careful what you say.
I’m not just talking about cooling it with the swear words and adult conversation. Children are sponges and will pick up everything that you say. I once offhandedly made a remark to my mother on the phone about a friend of mine “always needing to be the center of attention.” Not a week later, that friend was over for coffee when Anne piped up and repeated my words, making for an awkward excuse and apology. Always think carefully before you say something negative or embarrassing in front of a child, because children really do listen.