Most parents breeze through the first parent teacher conference of the year with ease–after all, many teachers see that first quarter of a new school year as a “transition period” for both student and teacher. What happens when the second, third and fourth conferences roll around? How can parents handle parent teacher conferences without blowing the relationship with their child’s teacher?
Stay in communication with the child’s teacher all year-not just at conference time. Sadly, many parents talk to teachers only 3-4 times a year during required activities such as conferences or school sponsored events. It is essential to your child’s educational success that parents and teachers communicate all year–even if there are no problems to discuss. Showing interest and involvement in your child’s education speaks volumes to teachers and school administrators throughout your child’s educational career.
Be respectful–but do not be intimidated. Perhaps your child has the best third grade teacher in the district-or perhaps not. While it is necessary to remain professional and courteous in parent/teacher communications, it is also beneficial to remember that the child’s teacher is not always perfect. While parents should certainly be respectful, they should also not hesitate to speak up, challenge or even discuss concerns regarding a child’s progress and interactions firmly with the teacher. Do not be afraid to progress to the school principal if necessary. Could this result in a need for a different class placement? Possibly–but, parents owe it to their children to find the best possible learning environment and parent/teacher relationship available. If it is not available at the present–don’t be afraid to obtain it.
Listen to criticism objectively–and elicit praise if necessary. As a parent volunteer for nearly 15 years, I have seen even excellent teachers in most respects fail to recognize the efforts of certain children due to constant behavioral problems, poor parental interactions and a general lack of time. If your child is something less than perfect, as many are, the parent teacher conference may turn, and remain, fairly negative. Put the teacher on the spot and ask for some positive comments. Focusing on a few positive qualities may actually help the teacher view the child differently. In turn-be sure to listen to the child’s classroom shortcomings with open ears and an open mind. A child’s classroom shortcomings are likely also causing problems in the school day for other children in the classroom.
Do not hesitate to ask tough questions. Is your school’s budget failing? Is overcrowding creating a problem? Are mainstreamed students, with developmental or behavioral problems, creating learning difficulties in the classroom for your average child? Many teachers will admit classroom shortfalls. Teachers may speak more freely if the parent is willing to discuss concerns with the school administration as a concerned parent. In some cases, your child’s teacher may prefer to discuss such issues “off the record” to avoid school “politics” or backlash. If the teacher takes a parent into confidence, his or her admissions should remain confidential. Parents should certainly take those concerns to administration without “naming names”.
Ask for advice during parent teacher conferences–sincerely. Teachers need help from families. One of the most pertinent questions that a parent can ask is for resources or advice to help a child in school. Advice seeking only matters, however, if parents intend to follow the advice–or use it to obtain additional resources. Certainly, websites and resources that work for some children in a classroom do not work for all–but, many parents are able to obtain workable, reasonable enrichment activities and options with sincere questions during a conference.