Follow me while I fetch my hypocrisy, put on a mumu and head out to my virtual front lawn. Because I’ve got a byte to pick with a percentage of the Internet peanut gallery. What’s got my bandwidth out of joint? Commenters who insist on littering our digital playground with tired, trite comebacks! So, if you fall into one of the categories below, consider yourself chastised!
The Language Police
No, I’m not talking about the “grammar grinders” (we’ll get to them in a minute); I’m talking about the previous generation of “get-off-my-lawners” who just loooove to reprimand people about their “naughty” online language. They usually say things like, “We[h]ll. You may have a good point; but you could have said it without the language.”
Really, Prissy McGee!? I didn’t know “jerk” was still considered beyond offensive? I mean really, haven’t we evolved enough to get over this fear of the occasional “bad” word? (Where’s George Carlin when you need him!)
The Grammar Grinders
Before you ready your e-tomatoes, yes, I understand and appreciate the need for proper grammar. But I also understand and appreciate the need to let typos slide. After all, who hasn’t messed up a time or ten, in the middle of an intense Internet debate, and typed “it’s” when it should have been “its”? Or “their” when “they’re” was correct?
And there is nothing more irritating than a great debate that gets waylaid thanks to a grammar grinder quipping about improper usage, trying to use it as a way to make their debate opponent appear “stupid” or “dumb” or “uneducated.”
If you’re a grammar-god or -goddess, good for you; pat yourself on the back. But understand that picking apart others’ online prose is just as irritating as someone knocking on your door — early Saturday morning — with the goal of religious conversion.
The “Then Why Are You Commenting” Commenters
News flash: people often comment on articles and blog posts about public figures and celebrities they don’t like.
I know. It’s hard to believe. But it happens.
And guess what, that’s part of what makes blogging and commenting fun – a bunch of folks expressing differing views, having it out in an online debate.
So, as Liza Minnelli would say, balls to all you people with an affinity for nagging, “then why are you commenting on here if you don’t like them!” under every post about the “big name” du jour.
(A subset of this group is the “Who Crew” – or, the people who insist on just typing “Who?” under articles about celebrities. We get it. You either don’t like the public figure being written about or you really don’t know who they are. If it’s the former, find a better way to express your opinions; if it’s the latter, allow me to introduce you to Yahoo!, Google, and Bing.)
The Jealousy Crusaders
Speaking of fan favorites – believe it or not, there are people in the ether that don’t think your favorites are tops. And yes, said people, may, on occasion, feel that someone is not right for a certain roll, or maybe not as talented as their publicist would like us to believe. And guess what, saying so isn’t a cover for jealousy.
Phew, I feel better.
(By the way, yes, my own hypocrisy is staring me in the face – and I recognize her. So, let me have it!)