I’ve lived through so many elections I’ve decided now is the time to get involved. Our country is experiencing a time of intense political awareness. Most of us tend to believe there are only two political parties from which we can choose our elected officials. Those two parties would be the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. It’s about time for all of us to realize this is not necessarily true. What we actually have are two political parties that the majority of people know about and several other political parties called third parties. These third-party political organizations exist mainly because there are always people who don’t just see a glass as half empty or half full. They just wonder why we worry about liquid in a glass when there are important political issues to discuss.
There is the Libertarian Party, Constitutional Party, Green Party and American Communist Party just to name a few. Some years ago there was a political third party that was quite popular on college campuses. It was known as the “Let’s Party Party.” They never got any votes but its followers were very dedicated to their fund raisers. These events never raised too many funds because they events kept running low on beer. All the members felt their donations were best spent on funding their right to have a good time and provide people a way to not get so upset about elections.
I’m motivated by the presence of these so called third parties. I’m so impressed I’ve decided to create my own. The power of my political organization is in the name of the party. It’s a name that clarifies and defines my views on all politics and politicians.
Very simply I would like to call my new political party the “Screw You Party.” I think there is no worse experience in the world than when one of those annoying political pollsters call you on the phone during dinner to ask if you’ve decided how you’re going to vote. When they call someone from my political party we can say in all honesty “Screw You. That’s who I’m voting for in this election. Screw You.”
Think about how beautiful it would be the day after an election when someone you wanted elected so badly loses. Should an extremely annoying co-worker approach a member of my political party we’d be ready. You know this person wants to gloat because their person won and your person lost. This is the kind of co-worker people in the office often dream about being eaten by wolves.
What joy for a member of my political party to be able to simply respond to this ignorant idiot with a smile and say “You know who I voted for? Screw You. That’s who I voted for and I’ll probably keep voting Screw You in the next election.”
It only gets better. The entire platform on every issue facing our country is in the party name. It’s amazing how honest and functional the name of this political party is to all who understand it.
“How are you going to fix the economy?”
“As people who respect the tradition of our government we’re going to be like every politician since the inception of our country. We’re going to screw you John Q. public. We’re going to maintain that long standing tradition. Why would anyone want to change something that has worked so well for so long?”
I’ve seen many elections over the years and I don’t know if it even matters much who we vote for any more. People change when they take office after being elected.
It’s strange how being elected can transform some of the nicest people into the biggest jerks. I believe it’s possible that the capitals of every branch of government have some kind of hidden vortex surrounding them. Once the people we elect go through this vortex they come out the other side acting like babbling idiots to serve their term in office. It’s almost as if you see this good person running for office who motivates you. You believe in this person and work hard to get this person elected. When you ask them about all the things they said they were going to do during their campaign you can tell they’ve gone through the vortex because they start talking in strange and unusual ways.
“So when are you going to make those changes we campaigned on?”
“Well let me say…Bleeeah…gogont neebal zugut.”
“What are you saying? You know the reforms we told all of the constituents you would work to enact once you got in office?
“Absolutely neeek dooog eepd innnn noap zeep nel.
Most people aren’t able to break down this code until the politician is on their sixth term in office. Sadly this is the time the elected official is about to retire and then it’s too late.
The symbol of the Republican Party is the elephant and the symbol for the Democratic Party is the donkey. For the Screw You Party I think it would be appropriate for the symbol to be a female sheep holding a screwdriver. She would be the Screw Ewe of the Screw You Party. The merchandising possibilities would be endless.
I can only imagine the press coverage our convention would get with thousands of people holding the Screw Ewe and shouting “Screw you, Screw you, Screw You for America.”
Such a beautiful image brings a tear to my eye.
The best aspect of the Screw You party is that it would give all of us a chance to say to politicians exactly what they’ve been saying to us for a long time.