The rain and pink gingham curtains obscured the adolescent’s complete visual view, but through the haze of trees her thoughts became clear. It had been exactly three months since things had gone wrong with Gregory. She did not know why. A lonesome orange cat scampered into the sewer in search of shelter. The break up had indeed been her choice. She would leave for college in a few months. What was the point in prolonging the relationship? Her mother hurried inside with a large teacher’s bag and two bags of groceries. She heard the sound of keys, bags dropping, and water running as Florence began to prepare dinner.
Surely, the turning point had been the senior dance. Every fall the senior class had an elaborate party aboard a ship that did not sail. Pretending to be erudite and sophisticated she shopped for a demure yet attractive dress, gossiped about the event with friends, and in general looked forward to celebrating her senior year in public school. It was not Gregory fault. It was more the realization of it all. She barely knew half the class she had spent four years studying with in advanced honors classes. Her small clique was limited to the “brainiacs” or “super-nerds” as they were disdainfully known. The dress made her feel fat. The excess of food did not help. She only ate a few bites. What infuriated her most was Gregory. He pretended to know students he did not recognize and in general seemed to adapt well and have fun. She was not so gracious. A squirrel scampered through the spring rain in search of a fallen acorn survived from fall.
Perhaps it was the dancing that ended it all. Yes, she and Gregory had suffered through other dances. They bonded in their mutual disdain for entertainment that was not intellectual. In fact, the first story Gregory told her about was a ridiculous interpretation to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” he was required to perform in ninth grade gym class for a grade. True to his genius he survived the horror and received an “A”. For some reason the night of the dance Gregory was intent on dancing. He was out of control! Arms and legs flying a circle surrounded him. At this point she knew she’d lost him. Mortified her face blushed beet red. After abandoning Gregory, she found a seat next to her favorite administrator and discussed college plans. Her sister’s car screeched into the driveway. In she entered with the boyfriend Florence and the rest of family disliked. “Five minutes until dinner!’ her mom shrieked.
Was she boring? Teachers found her fascinating as a student. She was an avid writer, mathematician, and witty. Why had she found Gregory’s behavior so repulsive? Or was it just a simple excuse to the end the relationship before she started Duke and he UVa? No one had questioned her decision. Her mom seemed to approve of her choices. Her sisters teased her without mercy. “What about me?” she thought. “Do they notice I’m upset? Am I allowed to feel anything?” She had always been the strong one. This pattern continued from early childhood into the preteen pain of her parents’ divorce. After an hour of tearless crying, she abandoned her closet-small bedroom and joined her family for dinner and jovially discussed her day looking forward to the day she would a famous writer and this teenage discomfort would be a distant memory.