My second son Kason was born with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy of the left ventricle. In other words he was born to live a short life. We first found out what was wrong with his heart after his undergoing a heart cath at 3 weeks of age. Because of this condition he was never able to do anything very physical. His heart became very enlarged. So enlarged that his ribs on the left side of his chest protruded. Because of tiring easily he learned to use both hands equally so I never did figure out whether he was a lefty or a righty.
When Kason was ten he started to realize that he would die one day. At first he was in denial that this would ever happen and he made all kinds of plans for his own future. He wanted to be a policeman. Then when he started to realize that he wouldn’t physically be able to become a police officer he desired to be a Dare Officer to teach children to avoid drugs. He also desired to have a German shepherd that he would teach to be a police dog to sniff out drugs and catch bad guys. As his health declined he decided that he wanted to become a prosecuting attorney and to put the bad guys in jail. He figured he could do that from his wheelchair.
After Kason turned 13 he knew he didn’t have many years left and so he started talking about his death. He planned what his headstone should look like and who would speak at his funeral. This was hard for me to accept for I was still in denial that he would die. As summer was ending and the heat was bothering him I feared he would not live much longer. He was retaining water really bad and his lungs were filling with fluid. My son was really suffering and the doctors told us that he was approaching the end.
The last night of Kason’s life was both special and traumatic to me. He asked me what it was like to die. I told him that his spirit would leave his body and he would be able to see his body laying there and he would be able to see me still, but that I wouldn’t be able to see him outside of his body. I told him that he would see a bright light and for him to go to that light. That there he would find his grandmother and his brother Jacob. That they would be there to greet him. I told him that he would see Christ, for that is what I believe. I told him not to be scared, but that all would be well and that one day I would join him once my life was over.
My son seemed to be at peace with his dying and as I told him good night he told me “Good-bye cupcake.” He said this in his John Wayne voice. He was a John Wayne fan and had watched John Wayne movies over and over again and his last words to me were a quote. I watched him for a long time after he fell to sleep and then I laid down to rest on a mattress on the floor next him. I wasn’t going to fall asleep. I wanted to help him if he needed help. The last time I looked at the clock it was a little after 2 a.m., but I woke suddenly when I heard my sons voice saying “Mom” and I sat up. I looked at my son and his body was lifeless. He was already cool to the touch and had been gone for some time. It was 5:10 a.m. when I found him lifeless. However, I know that he spoke to me though his spirit was no longer in his body. I know that my son lives on and that one day I will join him. I know that when my husband died that my son Kason greeted him.
Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy claims many victims as it has also claimed the life of Ben Breedlove who’s been in the news. I believe that Ben did see the here-after and I believe that there is indeed a here-after. There are many who doubt that life goes on. To all of you who have lost a child to this heart disease or to any other disease, I hope that my sharing with you how my son was able to speak to me though he was dead, will reassure you that your child still does exist.