Modern parenting advice often includes giving kids choices. The theory is, being allowed to make choices makes kids less apt to argue. Some parents feel giving kids too many choices places kids in control before they have the maturity to handle it. Who’s right? Is giving kids the right to make choices at every turn a good strategy? Is it a bad decision? Well, that depends.
What kind of choices are we talking about? Leave the big stuff to the big people. Give kids small choices for life practice. Let them choose their outfits for the day. Ask them for their favorite foods when planning weekly menus. Let them vote on what movie you’ll rent or whether they’d like to go to the beach or the playground.
Parameters are a must. Smart parents know kids need limits placed on their choices. For instance, they can choose any outfit for school, as long as it’s not against school rules to wear it. They can choose anything they like for dinner, as long as it’s healthy and affordable. They can choose any movie, as long as it’s appropriate for children to watch. They can’t choose everything, every time.
Is the child consulted before every decision? That strategy could get old and time consuming. It can also turn a clever child into a controlling monster who expects to get everything they want. There has to be a middle ground. Even adults are faced with having to do a few things they don’t like. Allowing kids to make all the decisions does nothing to prepare them for adulthood.
Does the parent retain the right to say no? Ultimately, parents should have the final say. It’s OK to ask kids how they feel about serious matters. Still, parents should be clear on one thing. If they strongly disagree, for whatever reason, parents should have the power of veto. Give your kids some choices. If you don’t agree with their decisions, don’t be afraid to say no.
Parents: Explaining your choices is optional. There’s no reason you should always have to explain your choices to your kids. Why not? Well, because sometimes they’re just too inexperienced at life to understand your reasoning. It’s not about a power struggle. It’s about who has the knowledge needed to make the decision. Giving kids choices can be either a good strategy or a bad decision, depending on how you handle it.
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