In my last article, “plot is a verb’ I explained that in any story, fiction or nonfiction, action has to occur. Significant events have to take place and they have to have important consequences.
When writing fiction or creative nonfiction, showing instead of telling a story, use words like movie directors use movie camera. “Show” the action in a scene. Remember, if you can talk, you can write!
Example:
Don’t just say, “Mary was happy she received a promotion but her husband felt threatened because she makes more money now than he does.”
That kind of sentence is why so many would-be writers never sell.
Try something like this instead: it’s called “making a scene.”
Scene:
Mary ran through the front door without even bothering to push it shut.
“Don! Don!” she called from the living room. “Come here, honey!”
Her husband, who was buried in the evening news, sighed as he got up off the couch. He knew what was coming. Mary had told him she would be finding out the results of her application for supervisor today. The three other applicants were men. Don knew she’d never get the promotion. He’d tried to discourage her from throwing her hat in the ring. He hated to see her disappointed, but she’d applied anyway and now he knew he was going to have to spend the whole evening helping her get over the let-down.
He was surprised to see her smiling when he went through the swinging doors that divided the kitchen from the den.
“What’s up?” he asked. Why, Mary was smiling from ear-to-ear. She actually looked radiant!
“Oh Don, I got it! I got the promotion!” Mary said, nearly jumping into his arms.
He stumbled for words. He certainly hadn’t expected this.
Actually, he hadn’t wanted it either. Mary made almost as much money as he did already. Now she would be making a lot more than he was. He wasn’t sure he could handle that. Did it mean she would get to make most of the household decisions now?
“That’s great honey,” he said, kissing her straight on the lips. “I’m so happy for you.
Yet inside, he was shaking. I wonder if our marriage can survive this, he thought.
OK, see the difference? The concept of “making a scene” is very serious. It’s the difference between night and day in a writer’s work.
“Showing” instead of “telling” means creating lots of scenes. Sure, you can have exposition (description and narration) too, but sparsely, if you want to keep the story moving.
The same concept can be used in creative nonfiction. I’ve used it hundreds of times in news stories that might otherwise have been boring, and I still manage to stick to the facts.
Example:
The Jackson City Council voted eight-to-four today to change the garbage collection procedures. There will be no back-alley collection after Feb. 3. Now homeowners must bring their trash to the front sidewalk near their mailboxes. The decision was based on the number of attacks on trash collectors who made rounds to the back of the buildings.
Redone:
Johnny Jones has been bitten three times this year by unleashed dogs. Twenty-two more city workers have been attacked, bitten or chased as well.
These men are the city’s solid waste workers; a job that has become increasingly dangerous because some people do not keep their dogs on a leash or within a fenced-in area. Because of this, the Jackson City Council voted eight-to-four today that there will be no more collection in back alleys after Feb. 3. Now all homeowners will be required to set their trash next to their mailboxes in front of their homes.
See the difference? In each case, a scene has been used that casts an idea in the terms of a happening instead of simply saying that “something happened.” Scenes are built on talk and action.
Be sure and look for the next segment of this course coming soon. Meanwhile, other stories by this contributor include “Can the Free Trade Agreement Wipe You Out,” “Political Correctness Steals Meaning from Holidays” and “The Best Car I Ever Owned.”