As a young new father I had no basis of comparison that allowed me to see how accurate this statement actually was. Being a first and only child myself, it makes me wonder if the person my daughters call Nanny felt that her first pancake burned so badly that she had to toss out the batter or if her first pancake was grilled to such perfection that there was no need for another?
I’m still not sure.
I have two children and as they grow older I am able to recognize the significance of that statement in myself as a parent. Making pancakes and teaching children are experiences that are filled with learning from what you did wrong. In order to be a quality pancake maker or parent you need to be able to understand the most complex system of trial and error any person could ever imagine. The implications of not understanding your errors could go beyond burning a flapjack, it could ultimately have a negative impact on your children.
Perfection
Don’t expect perfection. It may be hard to accept, but your children are just like you. They are not perfect. Don’t expect them to be. Like you, they are learning. Unlike you, they don’t have years of life experience to base their decisions on.
Writing this I am watching my four year old lean off the couch laying flat on her belly propping herself up on the floor with her hands. The coffee table is inches from the crown of her head.
Authoritarian
Don’t be an authoritarian. You are not Genghis Khan, you are a parent. Your job is not to impose your will on your child, but to guide them. Part of them learning how to be a person is by not being perfect and they need to be able to have the freedom to make those mistakes. Be a guide, offer help, instruct, and protect.
“Emma Bear?”
“Yeah?”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“I’m doin’ somfin.”
“Watch your head, lady.”
“I will.”
Cringing, so will I.
Embrace
Don’t expect perfection, don’t command without insight, and always embrace your mistakes. Your children will make mistakes as they grow and this is how they will learn as long as you are there to help guide them after they take place. You know your child will make mistakes, but you as their parent will too. Embrace the mistakes that you make and use them as an example to teach your children that they will make mistakes throughout their lives. It is your responsibility to show your children how to take responsibility for their mistakes and teach your children how to learn for them. Embrace your mistakes because every mistake is a potential teaching experience.
“Look what I’m doing, Daddy!”
CRACK!
My four year bumps the crown of her head on the coffee table, falls to the floor, and looks up at me scratching the elevating bump on her gorgeous little head.
“I hit my head,” she says.
“Yes, you did,” I say. “Are you okay?”
She nods and resumes her awkward position on the couch. Mr. Bump cold pouch on ice, this pancake may need to cook a little longer.