Have you ever heard that mother at the grocery store screaming at their kids? I’ll never be like that , you think to yourself. And yet, when your child comes to you with your great grandmother’s broken vase and lies, you start to feel a sense of empathy for that parent. They need to know what they did was wrong. You might think. And yet, no matter how much that mother at the grocery store yells, the kids keep pulling cans of tomato soup onto the tiled floor as if the voice were coming from the megaphone that everyone ignores.
The bad news? Your kids know they are being naughty.
Worse news? They don’t care.
The real question now is WHY don’t they care?
The answer lies in motivation. What is the child’s motivation for pulling down cans from the isles? Boredom most likely. So, what is their motivation to stop? Mom will quit shouting. For some kids this is enough motivation to stop. For others, it’s motivation to keep going. Now they are not only entertained, but they are in control of the situation having heightened mom’s emotions. Not a good situation to breed the kind of behaviors mom wants.
A better solution:
Maintain control of your emotions. Be calm, even if your child isn’t; don’t add more fire to the equation, instead be the extinguisher.
Set a consistent and equal consequence for their actions. If you only got hurt sometimes by putting your hand on the burner, it can cause you to test the waters. The same goes for children. Let them know what to expect: “You need to stop pulling cans out of the isles, or you will have to sit in the cart.” If the behavior doesn’t stop, make good on your promise!
So, the next time you find your child misbehaving, lower your voice, cool the fire, and set some parameters. Good luck!