Fall is fully upon us and that means the school year is in full swing. Your daily tasks are now increased with packing lunches, checking homework, and the seemingly endless waiting of the car rider line. There may be one extra very important task to add to that list…anti-bullying preparation.
You pick up your wee niblet from school hoping to hear tales of delighted learning and joyful childhood frolicking. Instead you’re greeted with, “Mom, it was a sad day; the other kids were teasing me.” If you are anything like me at that moment emotion takes over and years of parenting experience and education go right out the door. You are now an angry momma (or daddy) tiger ready to defend the cubs from vicious schoolyard bullies. Whoa there crouching tiger! Before you go on the attack, take a few deep breaths and instead empower your kids with some proven anti-bullying techniques.
Your instinct to take the bullying incident seriously is correct. Bullying is widespread throughout our school systems and can lead to permanent emotional damage, dropout, and in the worst cases suicide or homicide. Also bullying is a perennial issue that requires a proactive countering approach. Parents, educators, and school staff must always keep a watchful eye for instances of bullying and aggression. When these unwanted behaviors are noted the responsible adult must take quick and decisive action to stop the behavior and discourage future occurrences of bullying. So what should you as a parent do? Ken Rigby, professor of social psychology at the University of South Australia and author of Bullying in Schools and What to Do About It offers some suggestions for handling bullies.
Parents should:
* offer a non authoritarian parenting environment
*model and actively teach good interpersonal skills
* encourage your child to use assertive behavior when necessary
*aid your child in building a consistent group of supportive friends
*actively work with school staff and faculty to create a zero tolerance for bullying behavior and a nurturing environment in which bullying has a decreased chance to thrive
*encourage students to remain calm and emotionally neutral during instances of bullying (especially verbal occurrences such as teasing or name calling)
*encourage your child to tell a member of school staff when a bullying incident occurs
*If your child is being bullied remain active and vocal with school staff until the issue is resolved
*demand that the bully’s parents are contacted and thoroughly involved in the solution
While as a parent you can’t always be with your child you can give them the skills necessary to discourage bullies and a plan of action if bullying occurs. There is no one size fits all solution for the problem of bullying and parents must be willing to seek out various methods of intervention repeatedly if necessary. Dr. Gwen Dewar of ParentingScience.com offers that, “To change the behavior of bullies, we need to change the attitudes of everyone in school- bullies, victims, and bystanders alike.” Finally parents should encourage their school administrators to make use of successful anti-bullying programs and resources. Further information and resources can be found at kenrigby.net and at parentingscience.com.
References:
Dr. Ken Rigby, http://www.kenrigby.net/ , Bullying in Schools and what to do about It
Gwen Dewar, Ph.D, http://www.parentingscience.com/bullying-in-school.html , Parenting Science