Drama: we all hate it, yet it seems almost inevitable. Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas should be a time of gratitude and togetherness but all too often seems to open a Pandora’s box of passive-aggressive behavior, arguments, or inappropriate questions or behavior. Sometimes people drink too much at holiday get-togethers and begin acting in ways that are rude and unacceptable. Some just overstep boundaries. If skipping the annual Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas party isn’t an option, it’s best to rise above the holiday harassment. These tips for dealing with holiday drama and the people who create it will show you how!
Tip #1: Avoid It
Easier said than done, right? Actually, duck-and-covering at the first sign of drama is possible when using the hustle and bustle of many guests to your advantage. Example: when your controversial uncle begins to grill you on your position on gay marriage simply tell him your mom asked you to give her a hand in the kitchen (or an equally plausible excuse that enables you to exit the area) and off you go. Argument avoided.
Tip #2: Be Vague and Non-committal
You’re cornered. If avoiding the situation has failed, another tactic to handling potential family drama during the holidays is to take a vague and non-committal approach. This doesn’t add fuel to anyone’s fire. The art of the vague answer is one that gives enough information to satisfy a question but not enough to provide a drama-lover with gossip. Example: your cousin wants to know why your boyfriend didn’t come to Thanksgiving dinner this year. You don’t want to tell her you’re spending some time apart because she’ll blab it all over her Facebook page. Saying something like, “Oh, he’s having Thanksgiving with his family this year.” satisfies the question without giving any more information than necessary. If she pointedly asks if you broke up, move to tip #3.
Tip #3: Little White Lies
We can all agree lying is wrong. However, to avoid potential conflict or drama sometimes glossing over the truth can go a long way in keeping the peace. In some situations, telling the truth can hurt someone’s feelings or provide them with an opportunity to gossip or argue. Avoiding arguments can be as simple as a teeny, tiny, stretching of the truth.Example: your Aunt asks you if you liked the sweater she sent you for your birthday and will proceed to announce what an ingrate you are to anyone who will listen if you claim anything but total love for it — even though it was four sizes too big and had dogs all over it… dog playing poker. Smile and tell her it will always hold a special place in your heart. She doesn’t have to know that the ‘special place in your heart’ is actually a thrift store where you donated the sweater.
Tip #4: Pass the Bean Dip Approach
This is a tried and true method of conflict avoidance that is sure to be a tool in your arsenal at Thanksgiving dinner. It simply involves saying something like, “Interesting…can you pass the mashed potatoes?” or a similar way of deflecting attention from an uncomfortable or intrusive topic. Example: Your cousin begins ranting about politics. You disagree, but don’t feel like debating with him… again. “Interesting… can you pass the apple pie?”
Tip #5: Confront It
Woah, confront it? These are supposed to be tips for avoiding drama at holiday gatherings. Sometimes though, confronting a rude or gossipy person actually stops drama dead in it’s tracks. One effective method is called, reflecting. Reflecting what the person has said back to them often results in them backing down and moving on. For example, your creepy uncle by marriage drinks too much and proceeded to tell you he really likes the dress you’re wearing. Saying something like, “I am very uncomfortable with male family members commenting on my physical appearance.” can be very effective. If someone says something rude or inappropriate, replying with, ” Are you saying _____?,” or, “Did you just say ____?” then reflecting back what they’ve said incredulously can be a powerful tool in putting a stop to inappropriate behavior around the holidays.
Holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas can be joyous times with those you love. However, it only takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch. If you think you may experience family drama around the holidays, these tips can be a lifesaver!