Everyone wants to feel wanted. Most of us even enjoy feeling needed from time to time. But no one wants to feel like they are responsible for someone else’s entire world. In short it is way too much responsibility and major buzz kill. In relationship particularly romantic ones it is easy to cross that line from affectionate longing, to clingy neediness. Once crossed the clingy person experiences the exact opposite of their desired affect as the person they are trying desperately to be close to starts pushing them away at every turn, trying to regain some sense of distance in the relationship. It is true what they say about absence, it does make the heart grow fonder. In fact having separate lives with separate interests is one of the best things you can to build a stronger bond between you and your significant other. Fact is that without time to miss each other you don’t get to realize exactly how much you do want them around. If you are on top of each other all day every day more often than not you want something anything! but more time together. So while it may seem counter intuitive at first, if you truly seek to have a stronger relationship and healthier bond here are few steps to put a little space between you and become more independent. Independence and self assurance are after two of the most attractive features a person can possess. No one said love makes sense.
Out of sight, out of mind – This old adage doesn’t seem to apply to the realm of romantic relationships. When the person you care about isn’t present you often find yourself thinking about them. Go do something on your own. This not only shows that you are self assured and capable of surviving on your own, but also gives that other person time miss you, and trust me, if feelings are there, they will.
Respect each others privacy – When you get involved with someone the lines between your two lives become blurred. You have the same friends, you go the same places, and you do a lot of the same things. This gets even worse if you happen to live together it can seem like your toothbrush is the only thing you get to keep to yourself. It can be tempting to stick your nose in everything that happens with your partner but trust me, respecting their privacy and personal space shows a level of respect that strong relationships are built on. Nothing is more clingy or needy than asking who they were just speaking to on the phone, or what that funny text message was all about. Butt out, if they want to share with you they will. How would you feel if you had to report everytime you did something out of the ordinary?
Have friends – More importantly have your own friends. You may consider yourselves to be each others “best” friends, and you probably hang out in the same crowds but having a social life outside your partner is healthy, and rewarding. Do things the two of you don’t have in common. Do your like sports but your partner doesn’t? Go to a game with your friends. This also includes allowing them time to have their own friends, and definitely resisting the urge to know everything that happened while they were out, that crosses the line from clingy straight into controlling. A sure fire way to end a relationship. Do things you like to do individually it will help round you out as a person and life will be more fulfilling.
Focus on yourself – This is really important if you are being accused of or suspect you might be clingy. Not only will you start taking attention of the person who doesn’t want it right now, but you will start pointing it where it is really needed. Why do you need someone else so bad in your life? Often clingy tendencies are a sign of emotional insecurity in yourself. Start asking why you need to be so close to this person, can you be ok just being alone, with you? If not, now is a good time to figure out why. Trust me this will help you in the future.