A friend of mine posted on her Facebook page this morning the following:
This is what it’s like to live together as we get older. This morning Pete said something to me as I was leaving the room. I couldn’t hear him, so I returned to tell him I didn’t hear what he said. He wanted to ask me something, so I said ok, what did you want to ask me? He thought for a moment and replied, “I forgot”!! LOL!!
It struck me especially funny because I see myself in that scenario. I remember when my husband and I were dating and I was younger and sharper. But life and happenstance occur and we’re older, grayer and less-likely to see and hear everything. Maybe that is a gift to be cherished because my wit is often mistaken for sarcasm.
One of our cherished gifts for our wedding day was Poem written by Pastor Terryl Delaney and it still hangs on our refrigerator door as a reminder. It is titled, “How to Have a Good Fight with Your Mate.” Pastor told us, “You will fight. It’s inevitable. So, when you fight, do it right.”
At the time, I remember thinking that it wasn’t the best advice to share for a couple about to embark on a lifelong journey but more than once, we have turned to the Rules as we call them. I will summarize for you here:
Remember why you are fighting and remember that the objective is not to WIN.
Don’t assume anything, discuss the FACTS.
Stay on Topic. Don’t bring in a whole host of other stuff.
No HITTING.
No NAME CALLING.
No WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION – Don’t use sex or silence as a weapon.
Words are worth repeating. Make sure you understand each other, speak slowly and clearly and REPEAT what the other is saying to insure you understand.
NEVER use the word NEVER (or ALWAYS) because nothing is forever.
When the Fight is finished, CLEAN up the conflict. There are few things that can recover when you leave a mess behind.
This gift has helped us more times than I can recall. Tonight when we cut the anniversary cake, I’ll be thinking of Pastor and the wisdom that saved our marriage for the time such as this. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Source:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13%3A4-8&version=NIV