Giving advice runs in my blood. In British culture, the “Dear Abby” type is called an “Agony Aunt.” I am a fourth generation Agony Aunt. My mother’s grandmother, known as “Ma,” ran what was known as The White House in Campbellville, Guyana.
My great-great grandmother lived near the railroad line and anyone could come to stay at Ma’s to rest, grab a meal and clear his mind before continuing on their journey. My mom was raised by her Aunt Irene. Auntie Irene was the calm, easy to talk to advice-giver that would keep anyone’s secret.
Aunt Irene was my grandmother Evadney’s oldest sister. She would see people’s problems coming in her dreams. Although my mom hates the term “Agony Aunt,” she’s now the person people come to for advice in my family. No matter the trouble, her nieces, nephews and friends all know that Auntie will happily help them. Sometimes they get angry about my mom’s frank advice but they always call back eventually.
The down side of being an Agony Aunt is that you are then a magnet for drama queens, kings and narcissists looking to dump their issues on someone else’s shoulders. The dictionary defines a drama queen as “a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions.” We have all been dramatic at some point or another, but drama queens make a lifestyle of it.
It’s easy to get burned out, Agony Aunt or not, when people take from you mentally without giving back — and that’s what drama queens and kings do.
Drama Queens: A Field Guide
What is a drama queen?
There are drama queens and drama kings. Despite the bad rap this is not just a female behavior pattern. There are several types of drama queens and kings. You have the Poor Me Drama Queen, the Manipulator Drama Queen, Big Bully Drama Queen, I’m More Important Drama Queen and the King of the World Drama Queen.
What’s the best way to deal with a drama queen or king?
You deal with a drama queen the same way you deal with a good-looking vampire, beware, stay away and protect your neck!
Human beings are social animals so we all enjoy it when people we care about pay attention to us. When it comes to drama queens and drama kings, however, they purposely seek attention for the quick rush of energy that they get from acting out. They are really saying, look at me, here I am, love me.
Can you change a drama queen or king?
The drama queen has to want to change. You can’t change another person’s behavior, and you can’t quell presumed craziness with supposed sanity.
What’s the best way to avoid getting into a drama queen or king’s drama?
The best way to avoid getting sucked into someone else’s drama is to stop volunteering to be their personal dart board or basketball. You haven’t been drafted. You are volunteering.
Drama queens and kings are usually narcissists all about me, me, me so they forget that other people have issues and lives too. If the drama queen or king in your life is a friend or relative you feel obligated to tell them, I love you, but for my mental health I really need to focus on my own situation.
How can we build healthy relationships with those we love?
Healthy relationships are a two-way street. If one party is constantly bogging the other party down with all of their problems and drama, that is unhealthy, a co-dependent nightmare.
Despite what we see on “True Blood” or “Twilight” you can’t have a healthy relationship with a Vampire because no matter how much you love them, they are going to bite and infect you sooner or later.
How can we communicate better with our friends and family?
Honesty and openness are the best policy when it comes to family communication. It can be hard, because everyone is dealing with everyone else’s 8-year-old self. Well, guess what? Now we’re grown ups. Get professional help if you need it.
Instead of letting things continue to fester that happened 10 or 20 years ago, talk about it, get it out, listen, forgive, apologize and move forward. That is the only way. For parties in denial, love them through it, but that love may have to be from afar.
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