Did you know that 85% of domestic violence victims are women? Well, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence , one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime; most often by someone they know intimately. Unfortunately, domestic violence crimes are often the most underreported crime in the United States. Why do these crimes go unreported? It can be for a number of reasons; such as embarrassment, fear that their attacker will come after them, dependency on their attacker, or sadly because they blame themselves. Once a victim myself, I have adopted a ZERO TOLERANCE policy in my life on domestic abuse. Why can’t everyone else?
If only it were that easy. Recently, my husband and I dove head first into a situation that involved someone close to us who was being violently beaten by their partner. This wasn’t the first time it had happened. The first time we knew about it was after the fact; the only evidence was a bloodied towel. One look in disbelief and my husband was making fist to face contact with the attacker. Was this the right thing to do? It most certainly was not. “Two wrongs don’t make a right” sounds cliché, but in this case it was warranted. The cowardly bastard who bloodied her face needed to be in jail, not my husband for rushing to her defense.
She didn’t leave him after that and for what reason we’ll never know. Months had passed and his infidelities came to light; he had been having an affair with her best friend of 20 years. The hurt and betrayal she felt from this was enough for her to leave him. Is this right? You should stay with your boyfriend if he beats you, but you should leave him if he’s having an affair? We thought we had seen it all. Maybe onlookers aren’t meant to understand. The separation didn’t last long; she leapt back into his hateful and violent arms. My husband is a caring and gentle man and he knows that it would take just one time for him to raise a hand to me and I would be gone. There would be no apologies or second chances.
What is it that makes a woman go back to an abusive partner? The “I’m sorry” and “I love you” pleas can’t be what seals the deal, can it? There must be a more disheartening reason like a sickness or lack of self-respect. If only there was a way to make someone understand that there is a better life out there for them; one without hate and violence…a life with true love.
So, how can you spot some of the signs of someone who has become a victim of domestic abuse? Here are a few:
Injuries and Excuses Absences from work or school Low self-esteem Accusations of having affairs Personality changes Fear of Conflict Not knowing what one wants or how one feels Blaming others for everything Self-blame
There is so much we wish we could do to help, but the hurt has to stop with the victim first. They have to want it to stop. We as concerned loved ones looking in can always do what we feel is necessary, as long as it doesn’t put you behind bars, too. Call the police. Never believe a victim that say they will call the police, because they won’t. They will make every excuse in the world to not call. They will be furious with you in the beginning, but they will forgive you. Never feel guilty about abruptly altering their lives, because you just may have saved it.
http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf
https://www.msu.edu/~safe/facts/warning_dv.htm