So you’ve decided to get married. To take the plunge, jump the broom, tie yourself down and settle in. Great! Now comes the best, and most fun part of all…planning the ceremony.
As an ordained minister and a married man, I’ve read and heard a great many vows taken during this most important of ceremonies. Personally, I feel the vows are the most important part of the planning process. You can hire a wedding planner, a caterer, a florist, baker, harpist, d.j. and limousine, but if you want your vows something to truly remember, then they need to be written yourself.
Any minister, judge or ship’s captain can recite a great number of vows from a library of marriage ceremonies from the past. Tried and true, these vows will let everyone present know that you vow to love, honor, cherish, etc. your new mate for life. We’ve all heard them recited and repeated at weddings we’ve attended or watched on television and in the movies. Most people can recite them by heart. But, does being able to remember something really make it memorable?
Making your wedding vows memorable should mean that they are something that you can remember until death do you part. By that, I don’t mean something that you can remind your spouse of during an argument, but rather, something that you can reflect upon while trying to remember what you were arguing about in the first place. The standard vows and promises of most wedding ceremonies do that, but they can be made much more personal and touching to the couple by just taking the time to share your feelings.
It’s a given that most people ready to get married think they know what love is, and so promising to love the other person is simple. Honor, cherish, respect and the long-ago dropped obey are much more difficult to understand in the beginning of a life long relationship. Why not use terms that are familiar with you both and will end up meaning more to you in the long run?
If you are celebrating a religious ceremony, then by all means use God (in whatever name your personal religion calls Him/Her) and ask for the Creator’s blessings upon you. Vow to keep God in your marriage and in your lives as a strong basis for your journey. These vows are for you and not just flowery speech to impress the guests. If your faith is strong, then make it stronger by combining your prayers in your vows to make them the foundation of your personal relationship.
Use words and phrases that mean something to you personally. Friend or lover are not words that should be excluded, but celebrated if that’s how you feel about one another. Honest vows are not only memorable, but solidifying in their simplicity.
An example of honest vows may be:
“Will you ever hurt him?”
“I may.”
“Is that your intention?”
“It is not.”
Honesty and truthfulness, at their core, make for solid vows and loving marriages. No couple can expect to live out their lives without hurting one another with their words or actions at some point. Remembering your vows, of that not being your intention, can make you realize you’ve hurt your spouse and try to make up for it immediately. Admitting, in your vows, that you may, unintentionally, hurt the other person’s feelings will also lessen the initial blow when, inevitably, it does occur.
By writing your own vows, you can also add private jokes, or anecdotes to help you remember and keep them. Pledging to love your spouse as much as you do today, will help you remember that feeling of overwhelming love, caring and passion that you felt and rekindle it.
If your parents have had a long marriage, use their example in your own vows. You could possibly say something like, “I promise to learn from my parents what has made their marriage so strong and to apply that to ours so that we may be as successful”.
Another suggestion would be to work on your vows together. It may be oh, so romantic, to hear the vows of your spouse for the first time during the ceremony, but, then again, it make take you by complete surprise when you find out that your vows and theirs are nothing alike. I’ve seen more than one family feud begin with a look in the eyes that screams, “I can’t believe you just said that!” By sharing your vows with one another before the big day, you can help one another edit them into a form that will compliment one another and make them memorable for you both. It’s also a great practice session for marital cooperation.
Long after the limousine is parked, the cake is eaten, the wedding dress is packed away and the dance floor has cleared, the promises you make to one another in the form of your wedding vows will remain and be the fundamental premise of your lives together. So when you’re planning the celebration, don’t just let your officiant decide what to recite. Write your own vows, together, and make them memorable.