December 31, 2011
I was preparing to spend the evening out enjoying the festivities of the New Year’s Eve kind, when I heard a pecking at my bedroom window. Investigating, I found the most magnificent Northern Hawk Owl (Surnia ulula), sitting on my window sill and it was carrying a message! The Ancient Order of Knights Inc., ever careful against the interception of our messages, often uses birds of prey for the carrying of messages of a most urgent nature. However, I have never received one.
This meant it was very important!
I spoke the ancient passwords of the Order, and made the corresponding hand signals (for security reasons, they cannot be revealed here) and the Hawk Owl, the most officious of birds and who obviously understood the words I was speaking and the symbols I was making, dropped the message on my windowsill. Once I retrieved the message, the Hawk Owl flew off, not waiting for a response. Obviously, he was not the most social of the Order’s allies.
The message was coded Highly Urgent and was for my eyes only. However, understanding the importance of documenting my work for future reference, I have decided to share this with you, the reader. Please do not share with anyone else, or I could find myself in violation of the Order’s rules on secrecy!
The message read as follows:
PSG (that’s me)
We request that you launch investigation into Extreme Paranormal Activity most forthwith!
We fear the worst is upon us.
You are authorized to recruit as needed, as we have no help to send you; we are spread too thin at moment with other investigations.
You have been authorized to banish as needed, capture for interrogation is still the preferred methodology.
Report to Queen Henrietta Maria and commence investigative operations. We believe the Queen to be related to your reports regarding activities previously reported.
Good Luck,
The Ancient Order of Knights Inc.
P.S. Remember to keep all receipts for the bookkeepers!
So, there it was! I was on a mission. And, it was an important mission. This was most exciting. Obviously, all my hard work with the Order was now beginning to pay off. They were recognizing my devotion to duty, dedication to our causes and of course my most awesome abilities!
I knew not losing my cool that Succubus would get me places. Obviously, the Order looked very favorably on that skirmish, where I was clearly the winner. Wait till I see that Succubus again! I must thank her.
And, demonstrating their trust in me, the Order had now authorized me to banish demons as needed! That clearly shows they were realizing that my time on the job, clear thinking, and did I say my most awesome abilities, must mean something!
“Mrs. Glean!” I bellowed, “Mrs. Glean!” Where in the world was that woman? I rushed through the house, my adrenaline pumping with the thought of my new mission for the Order!
“Professor, what is it? I was off hours ago.” She bellowed back at me from the kitchen.
“I have to leave most forthwith, and I need my bags packed. “Including”, winking at her, “my special bag.”
“Oh right! Well, I will simply clock back in and get right on it sir. Of course, this will cost you double time, union rules you know. I will get you packed and ready just like I always do and, I will just delay my plans of a lovely evening out with Mr. Glean this New Year’s Eve, so that I might address you’re pressing personal needs. There is always next year. Very good planning sir, very good! Mrs. Glean retorted with the most utmost sarcasm as one could muster this late in the evening.
I must remember to note that on her quarterly evaluation. Disrespecting her employer, that of course, being me, at a time of urgent need and most pressing matters. However, I have no time for disciplinary action of the hired help kind at this moment; I had to find this Queen.
I’m on a mission!