I attended a funeral of a close friend. I discovered that she was doing the eulogy of her son’s funeral. That was the first time I saw that. She did a great jobs also. So many times, I believe it is assumed that the minister will do it.
1. Don’t fight at a funeral. This is just the wrong thing to do. When you fight, what type of example are you setting for your children? Tempers and emotions may be extremely sensitive at this time. This should be a time to not think about yourself, but to think about the family of the deceased.
2. Don’t play inappropriate music for the funeral, if you are planning the funeral. Music can be played during family hour or during the viewing at the funeral home. I went to a funeral where they were playing a rhythm and blues song – talking about “bumping and grinding and making love. ” This was quite inappropriate. There were small children there too. Maybe the deceased loved that song, but the funeral was not the appropriate place to play it, especially with small children present. I have heard many rhythm and blues songs that would have been much more appropriate.
3. Don’t say anything, if you cannot think of something positive to say.
4. Do think of ways that you can help the family during this time. Usually immediate family members may not be thinking clearly. If this is the first loved one that they have lost, they may be at a lost as to what should be done. Usually the funeral homes are fairly helpful when planning the funeral.
5. Do go by the funeral home to view the body, especially if you will not be able to attend the funeral. Plan to attend the family hour. This is a time to console the family. This is a time to let them know that they are not alone. Sometimes you do not have to say anything, maybe give them a hug and a smile. Let them know that you are there for them. Your kind words can mean so much to them.
6. Do offer to help with a collage (pictures) of family members. This may be on display before the funeral. Also, CD’s can be made to play during the family hour. This can be quite comforting and reassuring to view the pictures of family members and friends. If you have technical skills that might be helpful, offer them to the family.
I recall when my mother-in-law passed away. I assisted with editing the pictures for the CD. This was a large family. There were many pictures, some of which I did not even know who the family members were, but that they were in the family. During the funeral many of the members could point out and tell me who was who.
7. Do bring laughter to the family. Laughter is so important during this time. The family is already grieving, so laughter can just help ease the grieving process. During remarks try to think of good times that you had with the deceased individual and share this. Do make positive and truthful remarks about the deceased.
8. Do write a poem, If you are good at doing that.
9. Do be respectful of others. There is no need for rudeness or disrespect.
10. Do offer money to the family, because funerals are expensive. All families may not have insurance for the cost of the burial.
Note:
There was a time that black clothing was always worn to funeral. Now I have seen different colors and several times “all white.”
Source:
Personal Experience
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