Governor Rick Perry of Texas is the latest Republican front runner. That means the media will spend countless hours promoting him as a serious challenger to President Obama. Before another candidate’s set of position papers and long speeches, let’s have a little fun. Warning: the following is supposed to be funny. If not, please send threats to: Republican National Committee, Washington DC.
It’s not that Governor Perry is dumb, but when he saw Josh Brolin play the President in “W,” he thought it was a movie about him.
Former President George W. Bush gave Governor Perry a beautiful pair of embroidered cowboy boots. The best thing about them: one sole is marked “L,” the other “R.”
When Governor Perry was asked who was his favorite Founding Father, he answered, “Sam Houston.”
It took a while to get Governor Perry to run for president. When an aide suggested it, he replied, “I’m already President of Texas.”
Governor Perry disputed the recent U. S. census survey of Texas. He thought cows and pigs should be counted too.
On a tour of the Grand Canyon. Governor Perry commented, “This would be really beautiful country if they only filled up that hole.”
When Governor Perry learned he was meeting President Obama, he requested an interpreter.
Oddly enough, Governor Perry defended the President in the recent birther controversy. He said, “We should never discriminate against our President just because he was born in Kenya.”
Governor Perry thought the movie, “Out of Africa” was about the life of President Obama.
It’s not that Governor Perry is dumb, but Sarah Palin snickered to a friend, “Not too swift.”
Michelle Bachmann is so glad Rick Perry joined the race. Now she won’t be the only lunatic running for President.
Mitt Romney, however, is not so pleased. He’s no longer the best-looking candidate for president.
Governor Perry doesn’t just think that the Constitution should match the Bible. For a long time, he thought the Bible was the Constitution.
Once Governor Perry was asked how George Washington crossed the Delaware. He responded, “He raised up his hands and the waters did part asunder.”
When Governor Perry was asked to explain his remarks that Texas should secede from the Union, he explained, “If at first you don’t secede, try, try again.”
Recently the Governor saw a documentary about the Civil War. He didn’t like it–thought the ending was a downer.
Governor Perry’s favorite history book is, you guessed it, “Gone With The Wind.“
Governor Perry is very traditional about morality. He thinks Federal funds should be used to pay for chastity belts.
Governor Perry surprised a lot of people by coming out in favor of same-sex marriage. In a statement, he wrote, “People should always have the same sex. No funny or kinky stuff.”
A lot of new jobs have been created in Texas since Governor Perry took over. They’re at the 7-Eleven, the Walmart and the Dairy Queen (Didn’t say they were great jobs.).
Texans are so happy Governor Perry is running for President. Now he’ll be our problem too.
Interestingly, the Governor does support labor unions. As long as they favor low-paying jobs without benefits and security, they’re fine with him!
It’s not that Governor Perry favors the rich over the poor. It’s just that the poor don’t give enough to his campaigns (Of course, he is remedying this by supporting more tax breaks for the wealthy.).
The Governor favors educational equality for everyone. He believes no one is entitled to a quality public education.
Governor Perry supports prayer in public schools. Considering all the education cuts, students will need all the help they can get.
Governor Perry favors bilingual education. If Mexican is good enough for Texas, it’s good enough for America.
The Governor attended a Latino convention, and joked about the new head of Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission, Jose Cuevas. He said he was a appropriate choice, given his name was similar to the tequila brand Jose Cuervo. (THIS REALLY HAPPENED. SEE LINK BELOW.)
After a tour of a Texas Instruments plant, the Governor asked, “Where are the guitars?”
Strangely Governor Perry is for the teaching of evolution. He thinks kids should be taught it by watching, “The Flinstones.“
Governor Perry is disappointed by gun control laws. He thinks it should be legal to possess howitzers and machine guns.
When asked by a reporter if climate change is real, Governor Perry said, “Sure it’s real. Spring follows Winter. Summer follows Spring, etc.”
Naturally Governor Perry is in favor of illegal immigration. He has three undocumented workers on his ranch, two in the garden, and one cleaning the house.
Hollywood producers are fascinated by Governor Perry’s candidacy. Wags think they’ll make a new horror movie, “Bush: The Revenge.“
A guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink, and later another. He sees Governor Perry on television.
The man asks, “Who is that guy?”
The bartender tells him, “It’s Governor Rick Perry. He’s running for President of the United States.”
“Why is he so angry?”
“He says we should stop pushes taxes on the people.”
“I agree,” said the man, slightly buzzed, but still lucid. “We should stop pushing Texas on the people.”
The Perry Campaign is trotting out a new slogan, “Finishing the job W. started!”
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Sources:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8325915/former_reagan_advisor_rick_perry_an.html?cat=9
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-06-24/news/29719537_1_latino-convention-gop-bid-anti-immigrant-bills