Thank you for indulging me for just a few moments while I write about a few serious issues.
So many words are being thrown around by housewives, by viewers and by the press. Bully, stalking and harassment are three very serious crimes. Yes, I consider them crimes and clearly there are too many definitions of these words. Find two people and you will most likely find two different perceptions of stalking. What is a stalker? People on Twitter throw around terms like, “stalking my timeline”, meaning that they’re, in essence reading their tweets. Typically the “stalking” part of “stalking a timeline” is when you’re not following each other on Twitter yet you go and read the person’s tweets.
This is obviously not hurting anyone yet people get accused of it all the time. Real life stalking is so much more serious. Jill has accused one of my readers and a very good friend of mine of stalking her. She has accused me of stalking her. My friend, WSL lives in New York and certainly could stalk someone who lives in New York but did she? Let me tell you exactly what she did.
WSL was a very active and frequent reader and commenter here on my IHJZ Blog, because she lived in New York she talked about events, places and people in New York and many people asked her a lot of questions about the City. Many fun and interesting discussions followed. WSL went out one day and took photographs of Jill Zarin’s building and the surrounding area. Funnily enough, it turned out to be the wrong building but WSL did it so that the people who didn’t live in New York or had never been there could get an idea of the neighborhood and building where Jill Zarin lived. Nothing more. When it turned out to be the wrong building, WSL was a bit annoyed (mostly with herself) and asked me to take them down since the photos really represented nothing. I took them down as she requested.
I visited New York this past March at the invitation of Cat Ommanney of The Real Housewives of DC, she invited me to attend her book launch party at Ted Gibson’s Salon. While I was in New York I stayed with my friend WSL and we shopped, dined and had a fantastic time walking around the city. The weather was unseasonably warm and we walked past Jill’s building, (WSL literally lives a few blocks from Jill Zarin) and took a few photos and even went into the Bed, Bath & Beyond store located on the first floor of Jill’s high-rise building. We did not go into the lobby of the building or in any way attempt to contact Jill.
The next day I spent the day visiting some of New York’s most famous places. I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, walked through Times Square and many other places, then I walked to Zarin Fabrics where I had a photo taken of myself in front of the store.
Are WSL and I stalkers? What is the goal of a stalker? Do they want to admire their victim? Or do they want to harm their victim? Celebrities are stalked frequently but even more frequently women are stalked by men who they have separated from.. Women are beaten, raped and even killed by ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends. Most stalkers seem to have control issues.
What WSL and I did is not stalking, it is having fun with a television personality (I refuse to call her a star). We did notintended to come into contact with her at all. A few of our blog members here have shared their stories of real stalking with me, I am posting this in hopes of teaching Jill Zarin what stalking is and to prove to her that she wasn’t stalked by anyone associated with this blog.
Please read her story:
‘ll try to stick to the condensed version but I have to give you a little background first. These events happened over a 6 year period.
I was only 15 when I the first time I went out with him. He was a star athlete at my school, very popular, a year ahead of me. I was shy and smart. I was called in as a substitute date when the girl he was supposed to be going out with got grounded. Funny how things work out sometimes. Or not so funny.
I was thrilled by him and I guess that was evident because this guy needed to be worshiped. We started dating and at in the beginning he was perfect. Romantic, attentive, sweet. But as time went on he became very controlling. He started to separate me from my friends. He demanded all my time. He would say he was coming over even when he didn’t intend to so I’d sit home and wait. He was also a serial cheater and a compulsive liar. After he graduated he went to a local trade school. He became even more demanding and terribly jealous since he couldn’t see what I was doing at school all day. He drove me to school and picked me up and I wasn’t allowed to do ANY extracurricular activities. Any time I planned for my future he mocked my aspirations and said I had delusions of grandeur. Some of my teachers even spoke to me about the situation. It was that obvious to them. One man told me that the people who love us never try to hold us back. But the BF had so broken my spirit I didn’t really listen to anyone but him.
My parents were very concerned even though they only saw the tip of the ice berg. I wanted to go to a local college but when I graduated they insisted on sending me away. He was furious but of course it was out of my hands. At first when he would come to visit he was like the boy I first dated, sweet and caring. But I really started to blossom, making my own friends and forming my own opinions. And that’s when it all went really wrong. I had stopped being a doormat and he no longer had total control over me. His behavior grew so alarming that I called it quits. It was not well received. He continued to come to my school and frequent the places I did. He told people we were still together and paint a picture of a couple who was only fighting. Or worse tell people I was cheating on him and make me out to be manipulative and slutty. And I didn’t even know he was saying those things. There were big scenes in public and eventually a lot of people didn’t want me around. Things came to a head one night when he physically attacked me on campus and there were witnesses. A warrant was put out for his arrest but he left PA. For a few months I didn’t hear from him and I actually thought it was over, lol. Then he started again. It was too much for me to handle, I quit school and returned home. He followed the same pattern he had of telling his story to as many people as possible behind my back. He said I changed when I went away, went wild and broke his heart. And people believed him because he was a real charmer. He would park outside my parents house for hours. My dad had a fight with him one night when he broke my bedroom window in a fit of rage when I wouldn’t go outside to talk to him. He threatened to have my dad arrested unless I got back together with him.
So I moved for the first time. A family friend got me a job several towns away and I lived with some girls from the office. It was great until he found me and started coming around. He introduced himself to my roommates and told them how much he loved me. They thought I was crazy for leaving him. At first I didn’t tell people about the abuse because it’s humiliating to admit to. Later when I tried to explain it seemed like I was making things up as I went to justify my actions. Of course the whole time he’s charming them he’s threatening my life in private.
I moved again to a different town. He didn’t find me as quickly because I cut all ties with my former friends. I made two wonderful friends in my building, a shy, nerdy art student and a drag queen. This was the best period of my life. Then the X found me. My friends stood up for me this time. It was hard to see. The art student had been bullied by guys like this all through his HS years. It took a great deal of courage for him to go to bat for me but he did. The drag queen was a big guy and had been around a bit. And in spite of the fact that he was gay and liked to wear dresses he was a MAN! He wasn’t as intimidated and for the first time I saw my X a little afraid things weren’t going to go his way. But he was getting crazier and crazier and I was afraid for my friends.
So I moved again. I started dating scary guys. Men I thought could protect me. I dated a biker for a while. The X found me again and the biker shot at him! That was too real for me so I moved on. When he found me at the next place he broke into my apartment. Actually busted the door in, pulled me through it and beat me so badly the neighbors called police and I was taken to the hospital I had multiple broken bones and lacerations. My face looked like ground meat. He was arrested. Once again he told his story of an on again(in his mind) off again relationship. He claimed I sent him mixed signals and that he’d finally lost it and attacked me. He received a year in jail and did less than 9 months.
I moved far away as soon as I was out of the hospital. I went back to college, this time armed with an order of protection and lived in the safety of a dorm until I graduated. I never went anywhere alone, not even to the grocery store. Only my immediate family knew where I was. I heard he made some attempts to locate me but by this time people had heard what he did and they finally believed what I had been saying about him. So nobody helped him. He eventually gave up. And probably did the same things to someone else.
One of the thing that’s so offensive about JZ’s claims of stalking is that I lost so much because of my stalker while she gains attention from claiming to be stalked. I missed weddings, funerals, births, and reunions. I lost the friends from my childhood. Not to mention the two best friends, the art student and drag queen, I had ever known.
JZ pretends to be frightened but announces her every move. I learned to live as furtively as possible. She shows people where her daughter goes to school. I worried about the safety of my family every day!
JZ claims that you, your blog, WSL, Simon and anyone who “hates” her is dangerous. But I feel like IHJZ has been beneficial to me. I try to pretend like nothing ever happened but reading the recaps and JZ’s ridiculous claims have made me face some of my issues.
Even after I married and had a family of my own, started going home for visits I am still paranoid. All these years later. I am friendly with coworkers and neighbors but never let anyone too close. I made several real friends. I lost my best friend around three years ago right around the time I lost my father. I have trouble trusting. But I feel like opening up at IHJZ is helping me open up a little more IRL.
I have to confess when WSL started posting she made me sort of nervous. I didn’t understand why she was asking for our birthdays and how we came up with our names. But I warmed up to her in time. Then when someone was trying to guess who she was I got frightened for her. I think I posted at the time that she was giving away too much personal info. I’m not sure if I did or just wanted to post that. When the trolls come on I get scared. A little for myself, a lot for you and Quincy. And not always but at least sometimes these trolls are agents of Jill Zarin. So the woman who claims she is being stalked is actually frightening a woman who truly was. Ironic, huh?
I would like to tell Jill Zarin to Watch Out. And I don’t mean that as a threat but a heartfelt warning. She is in no danger from you or your followers. None of us are conflicted about our feelings toward JZ. The people she needs to fear are the people who obsessively LOVE her. Because it’s when you disappoint a crazy fan that you are in trouble. Rebecca Schaeffer was killed by a fan not a hater. Mark David Chapman loved John Lennon until he felt betrayed, Dominique Dunne was killed by a man who claimed to love her, Selena by the president of her fan club!
By the very brave and amazing MAMAZ
This story broke my heart and I cried for her lost childhood and what should have been the happiest times of her life throughout High School and College were tragic instead of exciting, they were scary instead of fun and they were dark and dismal instead of bright and sunny days. A large part of her life was spent in fear and in hiding.
Another reader shares –
Dear Jill,
You have absolutely no idea what the meaning of having a stalker is. Let me give you a little hint. When you are terrified to leave your home because they might be there watching you, that may give you a hint. You are terrified to leave your home because they may break in while you are gone or follow you because you have no idea what the person is capable of at that point. When they shoot out the windshield in your car, you might feel a bit more terrified. When you call the police, they retrieve the bullet casing and they tell you there is nothing they can do, it might scare you a bit more. When you ask the police what you can do and they tell you to get a big dog (not some wimp like poor Ginger) or move, when you have only lived in your new home for a month you may feel frustrated. They promise that they will drive by your home to “keep a presence” and they do but you still can’t sleep at night or walk around your home freely because you are terrified, then you will know what being stalked is really like. You will not feel safe because the person stalking you found out where you were (when NO ONE else could) because they had a “friend” in the post office give them your information. (I didn’t blame the entire postal system. I blamed the person stalking me and the person that gave out my information.)
You have no idea what that fear is like so stop with your bullshit cry wolf routine! It’s so vile that I can’t find the words to describe it. So just stop it! On behalf of anyone who has ever known that fear the only decent thing you can do at this point is just stop. (I know an apology would be asking for too much.) I was lucky, many others are not and no longer have a voice. You throw around the words “stalking” and “bullying” without knowing what it truly is like to be hunted down and terrorized. I know you don’t know what it is liked to be stalked otherwise you would not post your every freaking move on twitter. Until you have had that kind of terror just STFU!
Big, deep breathe. Stepping down now and putting the box away.
Reprinted from the Comments of IHJZ by: Mookies1mom
I think you’ll find if you read through some of the older blog’s comments that these two women are not alone. There are others who have talked about their nightmare with stalkers. This is a very serious issue and I hope Jill Zarin starts to take it seriously. She needs to stop throwing the word “Stalker” around like it means nothing, she has no idea what it is like to be stalked.
Jill has also accused Simon VanKempen of “mean tweeting” her and “cyber bullying” her. What does that mean?
When I think of cyber bullying I think of some of the news reports that I’ve heard about young girls in high school being photographed in the locker room changing their clothes for gym and then those photos of the poor girl half naked being posted on the internet and passed around to all of her classmates. All the kids have cell phones with cameras now and some of them are using them to bully other kids.
Another story of cyber bullying that I saw on a news magazine was a group of girls creating a web site specifically to demean and harass a classmate. They altered photos of their victim to make her look ghastly and wrote horrible lies about this girl on the web site. They invited other class mates to the site to join in and demean and humiliate this girl causing her to drop out of school and she told the interviewer that she just wanted to die.
Kelly Bensimon said that Bethenny, Alex and Ramona “bullied” her in St. John last season. Kelly is a bully, we’ve seen her behavior, we’ve seen her steamroll over Alex and demand that Alex “stop being red” when Alex broke out in hives. Kelly called a pregnant (high risk) woman a ho-bag and continually threw digs at her throughout the trip. (You’re a cook, not a chef) Whether Bethenny was bothered by Kelly’s stupidity or not, I’m sure it caused her blood pressure to rise a bit. Kelly’s behavior is that of a teenage bully!
From Reality Tea:
After months of telling the press Bethenny Frankel was toxic to the Real Housewives of New York City and that she was happy with her departure, it appearsKelly Bensimon has had a change of heart!
In a new interview with E! Online, the formerly? cra cra Kelly reveals what she misses and doesn’t miss about Bethenny. “I love it when people do well,” said Kelly about Bethenny’s success both on and off the screen. “The better that she does, the better the franchise of Housewives does.” Uh???
Kelly goes on to add that she doesn’t miss the epic fights on the RHONY. “Everybody — every single person — misses the altercations between Bethenny and I,” she stated. “For whatever reason, they just love the fact that we fight for four minutes of television. Do I miss fighting with her? I don’t like fighting. Do I miss her on the show? She was fun.”
WHAT??? She was fun? Kelly’s drinking the Kellaid again. Read more here:
http://www.realitytea.com/
Reality Tea had a great post about Jill too! This article talks about Jill’s mean tweets to others while she accuses everyone of mean tweeting to her:
http://www.realitytea.com/tag/jill-zarin-hate-blog/
I love that post! Every word is the truth! (I wonder if Mags reported that blog to — .hmm who would she report Reality Tea to? Same person she can now report THIS blog to — .NO ONE! Freedom of speech lives on! 
haha
Jill Zarin hasn’t been bullied. She’s on television and we comment and yes even judge her but that is to be expected, this is what she signed up for. Did she really think that everyone was going to love her?
On the other hand Jill has posted some really hateful nasty things about her cast-mate Ramona Singer. Jill continuously slams Ramona for her scenes with her husband in the hotel room (she just won’t let that go) and she even had a poll on her Facebook page asking viewers if they think Ramona is a hypocrite. Jill threatened to post a personal letter, asking viewers if they’d like to see it (another poll) This letter that Jill referred to was never made public but Jill implied that it would be negative for Ramona. Later Cindy denied ever asking Jill to make this letter public and Jill deleted this Facebook post:
Is this the most childish, high school, moronic Facebook post you’ve ever seen? Yes, me too! Jill can keep trying to pretend she’s an angel and a victim but she’s the nastiest, meanest, cruelest woman I’ve ever seen! And this is simply a Housewives blog, a fun place to chat, read, get to know each other and enjoy the witty and intelligent conversations.
This is a good article about stalking and some ways to deal with it (not one mention of reporting a blog to WordPress):