When you look at the definition of the word ‘friend’, two specific words jump out: reliability, trustworthiness.
Sadly in life, these qualities in a friendship are rare. The length of a friendship is seldom everlasting. Even close friendships go through difficult times. Sometimes rifts occur and new friends are found.
The purpose of friendship is to provide emotional support. This is easy when there’s mutual interest. Feelings like care, trust and respect develop over a period of time. When a person feels that there’s no emotional support any more, it will put a strain on the relationship. Negative emotions and behaviour like jealousy and betrayal can ruin a friendship.
In life, relationships are complicated. There is no relationship on earth that doesn’t suffer any difficulties. People are imperfect. They make mistakes. Being imperfect, they tend to judge one another and rely too much on personal expectations. When they judge, they form an opinion and relying on expectations usually leads to disappointment.
In any relationship, time does not stand still. People grow and mature. They change. Their interests also change. Many friends grow apart over time because they don’t agree on anything anymore.
If you want to make a friendship worth it, while it lasts, you need to consider the following:
Always remember, you and your friends are different. You will often differ in your opinions and interests. Accept yourself and your friends. Don’t try to make any changes in your own personality or theirs. Accommodate one another. You are imperfect. Focus on your strengths and weaknesses. Try to strengthen your stronger points and correct your weaknesses. Your friends are also imperfect. Focus on their strengths. Try to strengthen their stronger points and never correct their weaknesses. Tolerate them. Do not judge. Imperfect people who judge imperfect people tend to focus on the negative. And negativity breaks down. Do not have any expectations. Without expectations, you will not experience disappointment. Example: If you want your friend to go shopping with you, allow them to consider it. Don’t expect ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Then, go shopping. Don’t expect them to go. If they go with you, good. If they don’t, enjoy the time on your own with the knowledge that you can always share the experience with them later. When things go wrong and hurtful words are said, step back. Be patient with your own feelings (anger, disappointment, etc.) When you have calmed down, think about your friend, the situation, the circumstances … Go and talk to your friend. Be peaceable. Communicate your feelings. Problems can always be resolved when you put some effort into your relationship. Never gossip about your friends to gain approval by others. Show respect for them and keep their secrets. Don’t look at your friendship as a long-term commitment. Accept the fact that somewhere in the future you may grow apart. This will help you to appreciate what you have and also prepare you for change.