Thirteen could very well be an unlucky number for Dancing With the Stars.
After announcing that they would be filling their next dance card with actual stars – or at least, something closer to the true definition of the word than has been seen in recent seasons – the producers have put together quite a lineup.
And most of them would be lucky to land on the Q-List.
Though the cast for the thirteenth season of ABC’s reality competition show features the same sorts of characters as have been used in past seasons (the athlete, the pundit, the reality TV personality, the ‘movie star,’ and the ‘…who?’), it is hardly teeming with people who could legitimately fulfill the billing of ‘star.’
When the most legitimate ‘star’ is probably David Arquette, there’s a problem.
Yes, David Arquette, the ex-husband of Friends star Courteney Cox, is donning his dancing shoes. He will be partnered with reigning professional champion Kym Johnson, who was partnered with Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward, who waltzed away with the mirror-ball trophy as the winner of DWTS’ twelfth season this past spring.
Joining him is NBA player Ron Artest (who may be known as “Meta Worldpeace” by the time the show hits the air this fall), partnered with Peta Murgatroyd, who is competing for the first time as a professional partner. Murgatroyd, however, is not new to the Dancing family, as she performed as part of the “Dance Troupe” in Season 12.
Chaz Bono, a transgender activist and the child of Cher and Sonny Bono, will be dancing with Lacey Schwimmer, while George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (who’s also a model, but let’s be serious, it’s probably her connection to perennial “Sexiest Man Alive” Clooney that landed her the spot) will be partnered with newcomer Valentin Chmerkovskiy, the younger brother of fellow pro Maksim.
Three-time champion Mark Ballas finds himself once again partnered with a pretty blonde, this one Kristen Cavallari of Laguna Beach and The Hills ‘fame,’ while Tristan McManus – the third of three new professionals this season, and another member of last season’s “Dance Troupe” – is partnered with a more readily-recognized blonde: HLN personality Nancy Grace.
Rob Kardashian – famous simply for being a Kardashian – will be taking to the floor with two-time champion Cheryl Burke, and Carson Kressley (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) will find himself under the wing of Anna Trebunskaya. Ricki Lake will be dancing with Derek Hough, who returns to the ballroom after being absent from Season 12, and the show’s favorite sourpuss and poor sport Karina Smirnoff (infamous for displays of bad sportsmanship and bitter feelings) will be teaching this year’s “…wait, who?” celebridancer, J.R. Martinez (apparently an actor, though his more noteworthy accomplishment is being a veteran of the Armed Forces) how to salsa.
Rounding out the cast are actress Chynna Phillips, partnered with Tony Dovolani, and U.S. Women’s Soccer goalie Hope Solo, partnered with Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who partnered Season 12’s runner-up, actress Kirstie Alley.
It’s an interesting lineup, that’s true, but overall, the lack of engaging star power could be a problem for the aging series. Dancing With the Stars will return on September 19, 2011.