Bank with No Brains – a True Story

by on October 31st, 2014
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So, I tried to use my debit bank card two times last 24-hours. Once yesterday (bought my daughter a little vanity for her birthday) and once this AM at a local Wawa. Both times my card was rejected. Freaking out, I check my accounts – all OK. I call my bank. The bank representative answers after 17 IVRS prompts, 16 of which instructed me to press “0.” Apparently, during the build, the IVRS developer was oddly obsessed with the number 0. Perhaps he was Mayan? Moron at bank answers, and because of some weird fetish that involves the need to hear people say numbers as slowly as possible; he makes me slowly re-state the card number that I physically entered 9-minutes ago upon hearing IVRS prompt #1. The following conversation ensues:
Me: Politely explain issue, in other words, I ask him what the hell is up with my debit card?
Moron at bank: Oh, we saw some potential fraud activity so we temporarily froze the card.
Me: Hmm. Was there any intention of letting me know this?
Moron at bank: Uhhhhhh, well, we usually call people to tell them this…maybe you have not provided us with your correct contact numbers?
Me: I give MAB my contact numbers. (Moron at bank is again aroused since he got to hear me rattle off more numbers as slowly as possible).
Moron at bank: Uhhhh, yeah, those are the phone numbers we have on file.
Me: (more annoyed) OK, well, now can you tell me why my card was frozen?
Moron at bank: Well, the fraud department saw some strange activity and froze the account. You will have to call them.
Me: (LOUD sigh), OK, what is the number? (Sense MABs pleasure…yeah, more numbers & now he gets to recite them… FREAK!)
Moron at bank: Evidently he can read and say numbers 1-9. Not sure about number 10 though…
Me: I call the fraud department….and yes, they have same weird fetish with hearing people recite numbers slowly too.
Moron at bank #2: We froze your account because we saw suspicious activity that we need to confirm with you.
Me: Fine…
Moron at bank #2: (Sounding very official and impressed with herself) Yes, well, Ms. Day, we want to make you aware that someone made three attempts to purchase a coach ticket from Heathrow London Airport to New Street Station, Birmingham, England for upcoming travel in the UK?
Me: (OMG!) Ah, yeah, that was me.
Moron at bank #2: Flustered and confused…Oh, that, that was you? You tried to purchase this ticket?
Me: Yes, I did.
Moron at bank #2: Oh, so you are going to the UK?
Me: Provide her with two answers, the 1st mental / 2nd verbal: No, I just like buying coach tickets in foreign countries. / Yes, I am.
Moron at bank #2: Oh, well. Oh, um. Well, I guess that makes sense because I do see that a US Airways ticket from Philadelphia to Heathrow was purchased by this same card account 3-weeks ago.
Me: Yes, I booked that flight. I don’t plan on swimming to the UK. It’s too cold to do so this time of year.
Moron at bank #2: Watched what I just said drift over her head and float away.
Me: So, can you unfreeze my card please?
Moron at bank #2: Yes, we will do that. So sorry Ms. Day to have you go through this. We monitor card transactions very closely but didn’t make the connection that if you booked a flight to the UK, you may have also booked travel within the UK.
Me: No worries, I just wish you would stop breathing precious oxygen because 1) its clearly not doing anything for you and 2) others with functioning brain activity may have better use for it.
Moron at bank #2: Yes, well thank you Ms. Day and we’ll make a note on your account that you travel to the UK sometimes.
And we continue to wonder why the financial state of this country is where it is.

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