When children start attending school, their world increases substantially. They are exposed to a wide variety of potential friends outside of their family. While often times parents are thrilled to meet a child’s new playmates, there are times when parents and a child’s friends do not mesh. What should a parent do if they do not like their elementary-aged child’s new friends?
1. What’s Not to Like?
One of the first things to establish before deciding on how to handle this situation is to ask why you don’t like the new friend. If it’s for petty reasons, such as awkward appearance or something else along those lines, a parent should keep those feelings to themselves and allow their child to fully develop the friendship. Sharing these feelings can make a child judgmental or a bully and should not be taught as reasons to avoid a connection. When a new playmate is disrespectful, inappropriate, or exhibits other behavior that can passed to your child, the situation is bit stickier.
2. Bad Behavior
Kids pick up a lot of new habits, interests, and phrases at school: some good, some bad. When a new friend influences your child in negative ways, it is easy to dislike the offending child. It is important to remember, however, that kids are going to be exposed to all kinds of people throughout their lives. Are the new habits more annoying than wrong? If this is the case, a parent can explain that they may not like a certain behavior but should not push away the new friend. It may also be worth considering if your child has anything they could be passing to another child that may be considered annoying or weird by another child’s parents. This can help put a lot of new behavior in perspective. If a new friend is sharing information or actions that is in any way harmful or destructive, a parent has every right to stop the friendship.
3. How to Discourage a New Friendship
While parents may not be able to dictate who a child shares time with while at school, they can control their engagements outside of it. Parents can prevent play-dates and activities. If a child also needs to be separated from the new friend during school, parents can discuss the situation with their child’s teacher or other school personnel to decide on the best course of action. For some children, prohibiting a friendship can make it more desirable. Parents should be careful how they present the idea to their child.
Also, one important thing to consider before purposely ending a new friendship is that while a new playmate may have some negative influences on your child, your child may be having a positive impact in their life. Kids can act out when they are experiencing stress in their life, and a new relationship with your child may be very beneficial for their new friend. It can be helpful to find out a child’s situation and make an informed decision.
Sources
Guran, Anita, Ph.D., Friends and Friendships, NYU Child Study Center
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