We learn as children that “Honesty is the best policy” but is that always the case? Maybe this is true the majority of the time, but what about when it comes to your relationship with your significant other? I don’t think anyone would want to start a new relationship with lies. But, what is T.M.I. when it comes to telling your mate about your juicy past? Sometimes, honesty can do more harm than good. Not to mention, everyone is entitled to withhold one or two secrets from their partners, right?
Eventually, in most relationships, one or both partners will bring up the topic of previous dating and sexual experience. Generally speaking, men are often inclined to exaggerate their number of partners while women tend to downplay their experience. The reason behind this comes from sexist beliefs our society portrays about gender and sexuality. As we know, if a man sleeps with many women he not only gets praise from his boys but also from other important male figures in his life, such as his father. On the other hand, women are taught to be “sugar and spice and everything nice”. They are taught the benefits of abstaining from sex and that their body is a temple. Therefore, when a woman demonstrates that she has the same urges and sexual appetite as her male counterparts, she’s frowned upon. We could be here all day discussing how unfair this is; however, the truth of the matter is, men have a difficult time accepting that someone has touched his woman before him. It’s typically a competitive issue that begins as early as kindergarten when boys begin fighting over everything from their favorite G.I. Joe to the last cupcake. In the end, every man wants to feel that he obtained some prize that wasn’t shared with anyone else. The same goes for when he grows up and gets into a relationship. So don’t be surprised if you start speaking about your hot ex and your boyfriend starts acting a tad jealous or upset. He can’t help it. It’s in his nature!
So how much information do you reveal to your partner? I believe it depends on the relationship and how comfortable you are sharing these details. There’s no rule regarding how much you should divulge about your past sexual encounters. Some couples decide to clear the air and divulge every little dirty detail. This can go one of two ways: either the couple will laugh it off or one (or both) partner(s) is left feeling very uncomfortable. I mean, does your current boyfriend really need to know about that wild Spring break in Cancun? It’s not about keeping secrets from your partner; it’s knowing whether or not it is something that is even worth telling your partner. Nobody is asking you to go into details about your high school crush; however, discussing your previous long-term relationships with your partner can have several benefits. In particular, it gives you insight into what failed in your partner’s previous relationships. Sometimes the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Wouldn’t you want to know if your boyfriend’s previous relationship ended because he was caught in bed with her sister?
Ultimately, always ask yourself, “Is this something that I would want to know about my partner?” If the answer is yes, it is probably a good idea to tell your partner. If you honestly believe that something is irrelevant to your current relationship, keep it to yourself. After all, a little mystery can go a long way in relationships!