I recently had a very painful breakup with a close friend. We met at work and became friends; however, we lost touch for several years before reconnecting two years ago. We had similar interests (i.e. worked in the same field, had children the same age, etc.) so we began a friendship. Unfortunately, I realized that she never had any close female friends before and had no idea how “girl friends” have each other’s back and how we are always there for each other no matter what is going on in their lives.
I wish that I could have shared the close bond women have with their friends with her; however, she broke the carnal rule of girl friends – – she put a man she barely knew before her best friend. As they say, men may come and go but girl friends are forever. Unfortunately for her, the man is now gone as is our friendship. So for the woman I once knew as my friend and for other women who may not understand how to foster a close friendship with another female, here is what I wish I could have taught her before our friendship ended.
How to be a good friend and maintain close relationships with friends
1. Never forget birthdays or other important dates. Your husband, your boyfriend and your kids may forget your birthday or the anniversary of your big promotion but your girl friend never will. Always call, send a card or a gift on her birthday and any other important dates.
2. Celebrate her accomplishments. You love to shine and so does your best friend so always make sure to celebrate her accomplishments – – no matter how big or how small. It is also a great reason to go out and enjoy an evening without the kids and husband.
3. Make time for your girl friends. As real life begins to get in the way of your social life (i.e. kids, husband, job, etc.), making time for your girl friends is crucial to maintaining a good relationship. You would never expect to have a good marriage without spending time with your spouse so how can you expect to ignore your girl friends and still have a close relationship. Make time to talk and stay involved in each other’s lives.
4. Always have your girl friend’s back. True girl friends never gossip about each other and never tolerate someone else talking smack about their best friend. Girl friends know each other’s faults and will even point them out to one another but they never allow anyone else to point out those faults.
5. Give and receive to strengthen the bond. Always be there when your girl friend needs you whether it is to help her move furniture, mourn the loss of a beloved pet or eat ice cream and bash her ex. Remember that your girl friends need to help you too in order to feel close to you. So ask when you need help – – do not try to do everything alone. Asking for help is as important as giving help when needed because it keeps your relationship in balance and gives both of you the opportunity to feel needed.
6. Be honest. This was the root of what happened with my friend – – she lied to me and involved another good friend in the lie. Girl friends are honest with each other no matter how difficult the subject. My best girl friend of fifteen years and I have fought many heated battles because we are honest with each other; however, that honesty is what has held us together for so many years.
7. Laugh, cry and dream together. Sharing good times and bad times creates a bond that is strong. My girl friends and I laugh together at each other and we cry together when times are difficult. The most important thing is we dream together – – we share our dreams, hopes and desires and we take joy in seeing those come true for each other.
My husband does not understand the bond between my girl friends and me. He does not understand how we can laugh and cry at the same time, know what the other is thinking and argue with such intensity but love so fiercely. That is the beauty of girl friends – – we understand each other when no one else does.