Everyone knows how hard it is to make a choice sometimes. Whether it’s a car, what to have at a restaurant, or a pair of shoes; it can be difficult to decide what to buy. For some people there is the dilemma of what appeals to you eye in the store window; isn’t very practical for your lifestyle. For others, something that looks good in the picture on the menu (if you eat at that sort of place) maybe something you have never had and you’re not really sure if it will taste as good as it looks. And for others something that looks great on the showroom floor; may not be the kind of reliable vehicle you really want to drive day in and day out for the next few years.
All of the above scenarios, and more, seem to be playing themselves out for various constituencies of the GOP when it comes to picking their candidate for the 2012 campaign against President Obama. Some T-Publicans want shoes that look terrific, like Michelle Bachmann, but other Re-Publicans are concerned that the Bachmann high heel, open toe, sling backs may not be very durable for the long trip from Iowa to Washington. They don’t call it a race for the White House for nothing. Some of the T-Wing Christian Conservatives prefer the Rick “the Hair” Perry cowboy boots. They think the Texas high heels for men can be worn to football games, the office and weddings with equal appropriateness. Some others remember that the last pair of Texas footwear they bought, which after a while, they couldn’t wait to take off; because they really hurt their feet.
A small but dedicated number on the Rightist wing of the Right really would like to put on a pair of Ron Paul high top sneakers for that retro look, but most of their teammates know that you can’t get into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue wearing footgear designed to play games in. The traditional Republican team players are leaning towards the wing-tip oxfords, in ordinary brown which they see as Wilbur Mitt Romney. They certainly look fine at the office, but they are a bit hard to wear for dress down occasions, because they always make you look like you’re at the office. Others say they are not entirely comfortable in them because they were built on the same last as the flip flops. The mainstream Wall Streeters keep trying on those oxfords they prefer; but they just can’t decide between the ordinary brown Romney or the cordovan colored Huntsman they have also been tempted to try on. They have been told they should walk around the store in the Huntsman before pulling out their credit card at the register.
The old fashioned penny loafer know as the Newt Gingrich has been all but rejected as a choice because it’s so last century. And the blue suede Santorum is definitely out by virtue of it being just too weird. The Pawlenty casual look was seen as too casual and not part of the exciting “today” look favored by most T-Folk. The problem with the Herman Cain shoe wasn’t the color, as many said it would be, but the fact that the Reps had lots of business ready shoes in their closet already, and he was just a slightly different look as compared with the rest. Some of the T-Party shoppers are hoping that the flashy, seal fur trimmed, Palin winter boot, they keep trying on, will go on sale soon. But others are worried that although the Palins look and feel wonderful; that kind of Mukluk is nowhere near durable enough to hold up all the way to the inauguration.
Even though they have a big pile of shoes and boxes all around them, some Rep shoppers are asking the clerk to bring out more. They want to try on the some of the least likely available styles of shoes because they think they might be a better fit. But the Jeb model of the Bush sandals are discontinued due to many problems with the previous George 2 model hurting the Bush brand image. And the Chris Christie non-union made hiking boot (with the steel toe for kicking your opponent) only come in one size; way too large and are much too heavy run in. The autographed model of the Rudi Giuliani 9/11 Street Walker has been hauled out of the back room for a quick look-see, but they look a bit dated. Even the old Pataki Chukkas, with that classic broken-in look, have been suggested as a possible pair of “normal” shoes that one could go anywhere in.
With so many choices it’s no wonder that the party of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt looks so confused, disorganized and just can’t seem to make up their collective minds. Some are even cursing the fact that the very sporty (some say too sporty) Schwarzenegger, despite the bad PR, can’t be worn for the race to the far end of Pennsylvania Avenue because they are foreign made (also they don’t sound like they are American enough).
The GOP was so surprised that they lost and the Dems won the 2008 event wearing the untried and untested Air Obamas instead of the proven, practical Hillary shoe, that it made them determined to find the Right shoe, even if they couldn’t afford them. But the problems of the T-Publican Party don’t end with footwear. If they think they are having trouble finding the Rightist shoe, just wait until they try to find a Vice Presidential bag to match. Last time the highly polished McCain tap-dancing pair they chose didn’t at all go with the Sarah in a Poke bag they picked. Plus all sorts of unexpected things came out of the bag when they opened it up, until they realized there was nothing useful inside it. The Reps found out, picking accessories can be even more difficult than getting a shoe that won’t hurt your feet, throw your back out of line and wind up giving you a pain in your neck, and other places too.