It was a land of darkness compared to their bright all day glow that only people who tanned would know. A feeling or a taste that you could only experience when you are at that perfect high, just the right level, when you can feel it all, but it keeps going around in a constant circle that you will never reach the end of. A never ending roller coaster ride where you taste the wind in the air, you are that alive.
Yes a brand new feeling not the same as that old one, but completely different in a new and yet fantastic way. Does it make any sense at all, will it soon begin the same repetitive motion that each day I do anew, like I’ve never done it before. What the hell it’s like a circle one that will never ever end, but why can’t I even focus on the story, you know the new thing, that is almost there, like just out of reach, but almost like you’ve already heard it previously.
It’s confusing again and again in so many ways, you find yourself stumbling quicker and quicker, until you’ve looped your thoughts, or something like that, you just really can’t tell. It’s an all new approach in another way, but yet the same thing, here it comes again, now you recognize it, it’s scary like a tidal wave while you are standing on the beach, with nowhere to run.
You can almost grasp the full concept for just a slight second, again and again, several times, but something finally flips inside of the brain and you have no control anymore. Like another person is coming into you, and you are only watching from afar.
That’s it the connection it’s right there, but I just can’t get it completed, so it seems like I’ve fallen into yet the same pattern, but than losing it again as the wind blows blossoms through the night air to smell up many neighborhoods, with the sweet smell of orange blossoms.
There you had it for about two seconds, and you forgot it already again, and you realize that you are once again upon the wheel you first touched on at the beginning, you know, it’s there but you cannot grasp it completely, because it’s so evasive, it continually slips your mind, until you just have enough focus that you can spot it again, there it is, the no, not quite yet, wait a little bit again, it’s getting closer and it’s almost time for the switch that will reset me all again, to a new cycle, it’s the music.
That’s the connection there, see it comes right back around again, to yet again a connection, one that you have grasped fully this time and completely. But by the time you are done typing the last sentence, you’ve already forgot what you were talking about. Right what, what the fuck is that crap, I mean what the fuck kind of sense does that make, it’s a cycle again, they make no sense thus they are really together and real, like an item, no not an item, but something else, just escaping your minds fingers as they linger in the air ever closer to that final resting spot, where they remember once again. The connection there it is again, and thus I either will space or I will not, because this time around it seems to be looping quicker, and I can’t catch must that is going on, like a blog, like a fucking cycle, over and over again.
That’s it it’s the connection, no it was a short one, what the fuck, Oh my God, really have I lost it that completely right now, to the spot where it all sounds alike, where nothing I think is new, like my mind is stuck on this think rail that there is no hope of derailing from, it’s got you glued to it, it’s new and bright and pretty, but yet not quite like anything else, if that can even begin to make any sense whatsoever, I don’t know. I’m so freaking lost right now, I’m forgetting the words right as they come in my mouth, very slowly, no speech, no voice, no thinking. It’s automatic kicking into overdrive once again, all right in the mind, where you are completely at peace with anything and most everything before they even make sense to you. Like catching it somewhere in the middle of the turn, and almost grasping the idea, but you make so many mistakes that by the time you are done correcting them, you may actually remember what you are trying to say, but then you lose it but you don’t fully, cause you catch yourself to realize that you are now stuck in a cycle, is it a new one, well shit, I’m not sure, because I don’t remember what happened before, and then suddenly I am right there when it happens. Like after the fact but not quite there completely, is it a small cycle is it really tiny, do I do the same fucking thing every time; state the same words in the same wrong manner. Or is each new moment really different and something that I know without a doubt that I have never done it before, like a confusion of yourself as a person, a moment when nothing makes sense, and you find it’s really hard to actually focus on it, but you barely catch it and you hear connection. But you don’t quite know what is going on, so you slip back into the mask that you can hide away under. You can’t talk it’s lost you really don’t know what to say at all, it’s all lost completely…omg it’s there a connection
Oh now I see what is going on, it’s the other cycle that I normally can fend off, but for some reason this time I have no control over, it’s the aliens and the people from other worlds they are controlling me…or it’s multiple personalities that are playing a big joke, that I really can’t catch no matter how hard I try, it will slip my grasp just out of reach, like I did it before, but like I have no clue what is really going on, like a refreshing feeling, like something that feels new but is really old, you’ve felt it before but you are not sure why and where. What the hell is just out of reach, can you really grasp it, can you pull it out of the dark and into the light, no you just can’t seem to focus on what you were trying to do, it’s lost, but there for a slight second, just one second enough to open your eyes to make sure you are typing what you are actually thinking. Because your mind just can’t fully catch up with you, and you keep falling further and further behind, until it’s like you’ve heard it before but it doesn’t make any sense. Oh my god so freaking confusing, it’s a never ending fucking cycle, a what, what the fuck is a cycle, it’s like something, closing your eyes in this case, is different from the last occasion, until you just can’t seem to remember how to spell a single word correctly. It’s a confusion no not a confusion, but a mistake, you thought one thing, and forgot it for a second, to only remember it for just a bit of a never ending or maybe just beginning cycle, that really makes no sense to you at all anymore, because you have forgotten everything in your mind, how to talk, how to type almost, and how to listen, they are all closing down, like it’s the last few moments when you will be in this world, but just not quite that moment, you have to stay awake to make sure everything is still correct, or at least until you forget it again, and want something else instead. Wow I actually stopped for a few seconds but I come back to find that I am having problems with spelling, thank goodness for spell check, because it seems like a new idea almost, but just not really there completely, like you’ve lost it in the air once again, yet you finally catch up to the thought fully and know you are on time. Like the same thing, you know like you’ve never thought it before that very second, what the fuck, are you kidding me, what the hell is all of this shit, what is going on, is it a short cycle, no it can’t be because I remember it way too clearly like it took very little time to get through at all, like one minute I was there, and the next I was here. Like I hadn’t even moved, or hadn’t even thought anything at all, like all my thoughts have stopped and I no longer have to fully stay awake, but I can still drift off because I am not going to remember a single thing once this is done anyway, because I’ve forgotten everything, everything that is besides the
Connection, it’s there but just barely like I really am not sure you or I have found our way back to anywhere we have been before, like it’s new you know I’ve done it before, but it doesn’t seem so, does that make any sense whatsoever, it’s a never ending cycle,
But suddenly you realize that it us is the most, no not quite, but almost the same, no I can’t remember it’s an endless cycle one that goes by too quickly once again, where it seems like I just began but don’t remember it fully, like I’ve lost a few hours on the way or gong along, or something close to that. Just out of the grasp from fingers, that seem to almost clasp those thoughts, or even fingers maybe, not fully sure, yet, it’s really out of grasp so quickly, like a thought that I can’t fully remember to even get the words out fully, until I’m almost fully done. Like it all was part of a cycle, like something you were made to do, was it by other people like aliens, or maybe it’s from something unknown, that you can’t quite spell just right, but you kind of maybe get it quickly.
It’s lost again, so quickly it’s a line of same’s, the same freaking thing over and over again, like no new comments, nothing, it’s like it’s not even interesting enough to hold your . like you completely lost the thought, everything is suddenly gone, all those things you knew, and that includes the boy you had in your stomach for months and months, the one who you feel like you’ve failed enough that you have to make sure it’s all spelled correctly, but how far do you go back, you just cannot fully grasp it, until it’s right on you. Instantaneous almost, but still needing to be spelled the right way, like the new thing, but you almost remembered it from before, like it’s almost completely new and the past is long lost
Who knows where, but you still need to make sure it’s perfect enough to pass with most readers. Like they may want to have some sort of thought that is good from what they are reading. Like a story you know that you may have told them in the past, or thought you have.
Like it’s really been done but just not quite the right way. Like half-assed, and almost wrong, but barely right, like a freaking cycle, that is never end, that keeps going on and on, and never, never ends ever. Like life will keep going on even once you have passed away and you know that almost everything you wanted to do was done right, but not quite everything was. Like it almost makes sense, like you’ve typed it before, but you really don’t quite get the full idea, well not completely, but just a little. Like you had it once before, like just that second even, like it’s something new and different, but really the same old fucking thing as before. But why, why do we continue to make those little mistakes that show nothing but carelessness and where I’m not quite focused, but it takes just something to get me back to pay attention to it all and make sure no new mistakes are made well at least right at this very moment. Like it is still being waited for but you can’t think of how to phrase it to get the idea across, like it’s new, but it’s not new, like you just had it, a small little cycle or circle or something like that , that may make some sense at some place and time. Like I am not really typing it myself, but instead it is a person who knows little about the, I can’t think it won’t come to me there is no connection. I’ve stopped, and it’s now time to reset once again
Is it really a reset of just something I’ve rewritten before in a long ago fog, one that seems to exist but may not, like you are not really sure or positive even. It’s an odd feeling one that seems to go in and never end thing that you can’t quite get a hold of like a hot pepper or something lees that you may not have thought of it all before previously to this second. Like this very moment, it’s a connection or is it, is it short or long, I can’t remember it at all; it’s like something I know I’ve done before, but cannot picture at all. Like I have to see it to be sure I’ve typed it the right way, not just typing like I was before with my eyes open. Is it cheating? Fuck if I know doesn’t any of it make sense, really, does it, cause I can’t see a connection at least not fully, I think. Oh my god I’m so fucked up, I know I have to be on the same loop once again, yes I’m back to the fog placer, where it seems like I’ve been before, but it also feels new at the same time. Like something never done before at any time but maybe just maybe you will be able to locate it if you think hard enough. It’s a focus problem and that means you need another hit of pot, because you are having problems with any type of connections whatsoever, like you simply don’t remember how to type or do much of anything.
Wow that just got way to confusing there way too quick, like s short way round, like it’s not the same, but it’s a bit different, like there is a connection that should be made, but it’s just out of reach in the air and wind, and you cannot find the rasp that would actually have a chance to be good, because the mind is repeating once again
And reset I think, but not fully it’s like very confusing and frustrating again, like I’ve written this all before, but I have no clue about it at all, like I’ve never seen it in my life, a special moment where you barely see what is going on, but you try and reach out to try again and again, but simply never make the right wait, connection, kind of split second one, not long enough to really focus totally. It’s like an all new feeling, that has never ever come up before likes its new and never tried, but you can almost remember some about it, almost and you have it for a second in your mind it’s lost again, oh wait it’s the connection was that really quicker, or was it brand new, I can’t remember is it lost time again, when nothing is able to be focused on fully, but almost. Like you finally realize that you have done it all before, maybe, and you should try and focus but you simply can’t find the hearts to make sure it’s done just right.
Omh es iyh noy s vonnrvyion, I’d likr yhrtr nuy noy trslly, likr lody in yhr dun ehrn you str hsdinh uon yhr dky, sll nre, nuy do gsmilist, likr you’br hrstf iy sll nrgotr dmrehrtr, nuy iy’d ouy og trvh, you hry dsvstrf you vsn’y yypr onvr shsin snf yhr grst id tidinh in you yhsy domryhinh id do etonh, ehsy id iy, I vsn’y gihutr iy ouy, I fon’y esny yo yslk iy yskrd esy yoo muvh rnrthy, nuy id yhr rnthy etrslly yhsy impotysny iy fordny drrm do. Do you vonyinur yo govud on yhr oyhrt onr yhsy you hsbr sltrsfy gothoyyrn rbrn nrgotr you ginidhrf y yhr dsmr yhnh, iy’d do vongudinh likr I’m dloy snf I vsn’y ginf my esy nsvk, iy’d shtsf in yhrtr, iy vsn’y nr
But its gibberish, it still makes enough sense to me for me to know what I had written or at least I think, but again I don’t really remember. It’s that fucking circle or cycle and, you know the one that keeps occurring all the time, but you are so tired of happening. Does it even make any sense at all, not really. So you try and move onto the next thoughts they become jumbled as they try and rush out of your head to the page on which you are typing. But your back enough now to know that you do need to spell check at least for a bit longer. How much sell that will really matter on how long I can hold the focus on the side of writing.
Does that make any sense at all, I don’t know it’s like it’s a new comment, one that keeps happening, but I can never remember folly. You know like just there, but not quite there, and out of touch away from it all and not a chance of even ever reaching or maybe you can for a few seconds again. It’s within reach but it is quickly slipping from your fingers as you type.
Life is full of mistakes have you made them yes, but you can’t remember a thing at all anymore. It’s gone completely forgotten in the wind, like nothing has ever taken place in your life, like a blank page, that you’ve seen before, but it’s jut out of reach enough, that you really cannot grab it not completely at least, but hesitantly and with fear. What is fear and why am I feeling it, well it’s like I can’t quite focus on any one thing, like it’s just out of reach where I cannot garb it all. But where soon I hope to come across another possible chance that my come up one other day, but is seeming less likely for the day, today. Does it make any sense at all, it’s like it does like I’ve said it before, like it’s the same thing, but for some strange reasons I can’t get it
You know like not wanting to type or do anything else just relax, nothing to do ever again, it sounds so fun, like heaven, like the place to be, and not hard to reach either. But no I won’t ever think of doing it myself, because I promised I wouldn’t commit suicide ever again, and make sure I will stick to that promise as long as I can remember it which possible will be a very short time, until I am onto the next circle or even cycle or pattern of the game, once where I am almost adept but can’t fully make the transition, like it’s all new almost again, but not really it’s been done before and easy
Wow its confusing I’m at the beginning or start I think again. Cannot really be sure completely because I’m to the point where I need to check things. Like I’m doing it on purpose to test peoples real reading ability and if they know how to really connect with the world but I can’t really remember if or not. It’s lost what all will get lose along this road, there author. Who know has a new problem of a cramp. Or I think a new problem that you may be able to figure out soon, if you can only fully focus again at one point sleep seems like a great idea for now and one that I should be able to keep going without much problem at all. Or so I kind of maybe think, but not really. It’s lost, in the haze once again. A place I’ve never been before where the fog is heavy, and I don’t want to leave the world I am in.