Ever since the Transportation Security Mission started offering traveler’s the choice of an “enhanced pat-down” or a walk through its backscatter body scanners, I’ve made only one choice. And that’s the pat-down.
Even though the pat-down is on dubious legal ground, I prefer that to being bombarded with millimeter waves. And I way prefer it to letting the TSA get away with spending millions on security theater to line the pockets of government cronies. And make no mistake: Every time you ask for a pat-down, you are a wooden clog in the machine. It’s the best method to run these pricey, ineffective boondoggles right out of our nation’s airports.
I’ve gone through more than 10 pat-downs. I haven’t been groped or embarrassed. If anything, the TSA officers have been more visibly distraught than I’ve been. They don’t like it, I promise. And I do nothing to make it harder for them.
Here are my tips for getting through a pat-down with everyone’s dignity intact.
1. Treat the officer like any other person working to get through the day. Don’t try to embarrass them. Don’t demean them.
2. Many officers will try to lighten the mood by asking how your day is going, about your travel plans, etc. One even asked me how I liked my Fuji superzoom camera. I responded to her with some friendly camera-buying tips. It made the interaction better for us both … and maybe for the next person in the line.
3. Dress for the occasion. Keep your clothing simple. The fewer doo-dads, clasps, belts and whatnot on your person, the easier it is for the officers to assure themselves that you’re clean. And let the officer know about anything in your clothing that might attract attention.
4. Be casual. Act like the pat-down is the most natural thing in the world. If you’ve gone through pat-downs before, say so. That tells the officer you know what to expect.
Remember, nobody is having fun with the pat-downs. But I’ll take one over the full-body scanners any day – and I’ll make it easy as possible for all involved.