Considering there was a party in the episode, that nobody’s wig got snatched off and no tables were flipped, you might think we’re turning a corner where parties are concerned on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” But, much like the weather, wait five minutes (or until next week) as the party fouls will be back in full swing.
In the meantime, Taylor Armstrong cozied up to her new BFF, Lisa Vanderpump, for a little lunch. Now that Queen Bee Lisa has granted social outcast Taylor access to the inner sanctum, Mrs. Armstrong laps up the attention like a kitten with a bowl of milk. Taylor doesn’t quite remember the belly dancing party, as she dipped a little too frequently into her bottle of liquid courage. She continues to feel as though Camille Grammer betrayed and blindsided her and that the party was a “lion’s den.” Wow, this woman is dramatic. Lisa continues to have her issues with Taylor, but the frail woman is clearly crying out for help, so Mama Bear will do what she can to offer support.
D.D. and Camille try to decompress over some wine and Brandi joins the fun. Camille apologizes for bailing on the party, but no worries – Brandi wanted to bail, too. The trio try and decipher Taylor’s disconnected state of mind that night and determine an exorcism is in order (paging Kyle Richards). The ladies don’t think it’s fair for Taylor to blame Camille for the former being in an abusive relationship and also wonder what’s up with Lisa getting all buddy buddy with her former adversary. Brandi assesses Lisa’s just taking Taylor under her wing, while Camille believes Lisa’s trying to play the hero.
Does anyone else wish Adrienne Maloof would cut her husband, Paul Nassif a break? The duo, who’ve been dubbed a “power couple,” have been tapped to appear on “The Doctors” to talk about health and fitness as a busy couple. Of course it wouldn’t be Paul and Adrienne without them bickering about nothing the entire way there. This whole health and fitness thing is smoke and mirrors. Paul dives headfirst into the dessert table backstage and Adrienne calls out her husband for shoving junk food in his face all day long. Is this supposed to be comic relief?
Wannabe Housewife, “the morally corrupt Faye Resnick” and Kyle go shopping for the Annual White Party. The ladies peruse chandeliers and muse about the need to ward off the evil eyes that will be in attendance. Lisa’s doing some shopping herself as she and daughter, Pandora, look for wedding dresses. Giggy can’t be bothered to offer up an opinion, as he’s got a wardrobe malfunction of his own to tend to. Lisa can hardly contain her tears over the rather ornate top-of-the-cake confections Pandora models. As the two women walked out of the shop, I couldn’t help but notice Lisa’s packing quite a bit of junk in her trunk. Not bad for an English broad.
The dueling Vegas bashes come to order as Lisa and Taylor (who’s been invited in Kyle’s place) tag along with Pandora’s bachelorette party. Meanwhile, a miffed Adrienne gathers the leftover Housewives in retaliation at The Palms. Adrienne’s still perturbed Lisa didn’t ask her to host the bachelorette party. Well, Adrienne, why didn’t you offer? Kim Richards bows out because she’s moving. How long does it take to move? Is she strapping the furniture to her back piece-by-piece and walking it to her new place? Unfortunately, Dana Wilkey was on hand and we had to suffer through her fawning all over Adrienne and her secret plotting about how many bathrobes she can stuff in her suitcase. Camille was unimpressed by the 125-carat, million dollar lollipop holder Dana was toting around. Does the three year-old, Thai-speaking boy wonder get to hold that? Camille is impressed by Brandi, hailing her as a fun addition to the group, headlights and all.
Lisa has determined birthday girl Taylor needs to be “shagged by a chipmunk” (Chippendale?) and the two women share a quiet moment reflecting about their children. Later, Taylor and Lisa are having lap dance contests (Lisa won) and during the Chippendale’s show, Lisa starts to rethink this whole being pals with Taylor thing. Taylor acts like a 13-year old at a slumber party where some boys snuck in the window with some beer. She screams, half out of her mind and claws at Lisa, who finds the whole bit rather annoying and wants her to calm down (“have you never seen a grown man naked?”) Across town, Camille’s reliving her Club MTV days by grinding up against Brandi in their rendition of “Wild Things.”
Back in the Hills, Kyle’s doing a photo shoot for her book and is ticked when Kim bails. She tries calling her and, you can’t make this stuff up, Kim’s voicemail message says “she’s lost all contacts.” Folks can leave a message, but she won’t pick them up. Oh Kim, who can’t work Twitter, doesn’t understand Facebook and still uses tin cans and string to communicate with the world she’s lost contact with.
Later, Kyle runs into Kim at their sister, Kathy Hilton’s consignment store. Kim needs a minute and reveals her daughters are not happy about mom moving in with Ken. Kim is inconsolable as she laments having been alone for the past 18 years and wonders why after giving up her life for her kids, she doesn’t deserve a shot at happiness. Kim shares the stress of the situation has stolen her appetite and is wracked with sobs over the situation and reveals her envy over the happiness Kyle has had with Mauricio. Kyle believes Ken isn’t a good influence due to him perhaps being a little obsessed with her sister. Kyle wraps Kim up in a sisterly embrace and refrains from telling her to drop this dude from the backroads and work on herself.
Next time, Kim and Brandi get in each other’s faces, Camille gets threatened and Taylor gets tossed out.
More From This Contributor:
“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” Get Ridiculous
‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Set It Off
“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” Untie the Knot
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