Ever since the businessmen had visited, Jasper the trashman laughed. Murphy’s Law declared that the laughter would attempt to peek out at exactly the wrong moments. It was entirely unfair.
Being the wrongest of wrong moments, Jasper’s laughter was making itself rather painful. It REALLY wanted out.
Jasper was in an executive meeting with various businessmen. He didn’t care for any of them, but he thought it was the funniest thing in the world that he had been invited so he could talk about trash. Why exactly they needed a trashman-was trash all that difficult?-he wasn’t sure, but he was content to sit, sip his Coke, laugh (inside, anyway), and ignore the jargon and arguments of the businessmen. Despite his purpose of talking about trash, no one seemed interested in his expertise.
The meeting finally adjourned. Jasper went home and roared with laughter through his thick beard. Well, he didn’t exactly make it home first, but he hoped that the executives didn’t notice, care, or guess the reason for his laughter. Maybe they would just think that all trashmen are mildly insane.
To Jasper the trashman, of course, all business executives were more than just “mildly” insane.
Jasper was not invited to another executive meeting. He was glad–until he received an ultimatum in the mail.
Since he had signed the contract, it said, he was due to show up at 1563 N. Boulevard Lane for preliminary training.
Training was long, tedious, and in many cases, unnecessary. A few months later, Jasper the trashman emerged as Jasper, Trashman, Experimental Class.
Jasper, Trashman, Experimental Class, still chuckling quietly to himself, began his duties. He accumulated biodegradable, plastic, glass, unmentionable, smelly, stale, and sterile trash in large, grey, plastic, official-looking bins. His fellow trashmen brought him their loads, dumped them in Jasper’s bins, and left with Jasper’s laughter in their throats.
Soon, Jasper had all the bins-number A0001 to A1000-filled, sealed, and stored in a nameless warehouse. Once this step was completed, Jasper, Trashman, Experimental Class, oversaw the tedious removal of the bins from the nameless warehouse to an enormous fluorescent-lit metal cone.
Nondescript rooms around the metal cone had scraps of metal on the floors, rooms with odd labels, and bits of wire and other small objects lying on tables, tools scattered amongst them. Jasper noticed all this refuse and laughed.
Since all the bins were transferred, Jasper was introduced to ten people. They all wore grey uniforms and had grey names. He forgot their names even before they were given to him.
Jasper went home briefly, packed his old leather suitcase for the sake of taking something (because wasn’t he supposed to take something if he went on a trip to make him look important-or at least touristy?), and returned to the grey cinder-block building. The entryway to the room with all the bins was closed and locked. Jasper wandered around a bit, not wanting to ask any of the grey men where he needed to go.
Finally, Jasper found a small, strange grey room up a frail staircase and behind a round door. He was somewhat surprised that more excitement wasn’t hovering over the building, but he thought again how funny it was and simply chortled to himself. The ten grey people in the small strange room told him to come in, hurry, late, late. So, Jasper went into the small strange room and hid occasional bursts of laughter while he sat in a dentist’s chair for the next four hours watching the grey people fiddling with different gadgets embedded in the walls.
After the four hours and a countdown reminiscent of New Year’s without the joy, color, and beer, Jasper felt a sudden acceleration that was surprisingly smooth. He looked at one of the grey people’s gadgets and saw the earth behind him. Jasper the trashman wasn’t entirely successful in hiding his mirth underneath his awe, but he was somewhat sure that the grey people were too absorbed in their machines to have noticed or cared.
In less time than it took Jasper to trim his beard, the speed and maneuvering stopped with a bump. The grey men all turned to look at him. Despite the dull training, Jasper, Trashman, Experimental Class, knew what he was to do next.
He left by a small hatch in the corner of the room, climbed down to a small place where he put on a clumsy suit (that was, unfortunately, grey-Jasper was tired of grey) and climbed down further to the room with all the grey bins, A0001 to A1000. There, he pushed a few buttons. Wide grey doors opened, showing more buttons, and automated grey arms slowly moved the bins to form a neat pyramid-shaped pile on the moon.
Ten hours and three catnaps later, all the bins were on the pile. Thinking of pictures of Egypt, Jasper the trashman thought that its ancient pharaohs would have been proud. He whooped with laughter freely-no one was near to hear it without him turning on his microphone-and turned to re-ascend the ladder.
Jasper had some difficulty getting the door to open. He used his clumsy grey suit to call the grey people for help. They said that they were working on it, but it wasn’t until three hours had passed that Jasper was able to go up, remove his bulky suit and return to the room with the grey people. They didn’t say anything to him when he entered. Jasper the trashman was glad, because he didn’t like the grey people at all.
It took a bit longer to return to Earth than it had to arrive at the moon, but not much. When they landed back at the littered grey building, Jasper was told that he would receive a check in the mail for his work. He went home, lugging his unused suitcase with him.
A few nights later, Jasper saw a small story on the television about a new, larger, more efficient space shuttle prototype that had successfully completed a test run and would soon be going on a manned mission to Mars. He let loose a huge belly laugh that was very satisfying, then changed the channel.
Jasper the trashman went outside into the cool night air and looked at the moon. Somewhere, the man on the moon was gazing at a new pyramid and wondering what his companion, Earth, had given him.