My husband came home a few months ago and stated “I’m tired of this recession.” As a business owner he is feeling the effects of this current economy we are experiencing, as are millions of other Americans. Trying to be a supportive wife, my answer was “I’ll go back to work.” As a mother of two girls, my life consists of solving problems and I thought this problem would be solved fairly quickly. I’m an educated woman who had a successful career in media sales and management. How hard can it be?
The first thing I do is go to my closet to dust off my power suit. As I stand there and survey the racks of clothes, I see workout wear, golf shirts, golf shorts, golf pants, jeans and a dress I wore to my friends wedding last summer. Huh, no power suit. Maybe I should try to join the LPGA since I have all the golf clothes already. Do they take players with a 20 handicap? That idea gets thrown out quickly. I decide to call my friend to see if she wants to head up to Denver for a little shopping trip. When I tell her my predicament, she informs me there is no need to shop. She works from home and does all her conference calls and meetings in her pajama’s. Well, I have lots of PJ’s so, problem solved.
The next step is to head to my beloved laptop. As my working friends have told me, this is the golden ticket to finding a job. “Nobody meets face to face anymore. You have to get on Facebook and sign up to follow job postings on twitter” they tell me. Now, I consider myself somewhat technologically savvy. My husband owns just about every product Apple has ever made, but I’m perplexed on how I can show people what a wonderful employee I would be via social media. How is posting my status and pictures of my goofy dog on Facebook going to get me a job? Although, my dog Otis is extremely cute and has a face perfect for Disney movies. I wonder how much that dog in “Marley and Me” made? My hound is much cuter than he is. Problem solved.
After I come to my senses, I realize Otis is not my ticket to millions. We flunked out of tracking school and puppy training classes. I have to really think about what it is I want to do. The logical field of employment would be sales. I do still actually want to see my girls though so I rule that out. I think about what I’m good at. Grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, cooking, pet care, shopping, golf (although I’ve ruled that out due to I’m not as good as I think I am), driving kids around and working long hours seem to be what I have to work from. Maybe a taxi driver or a short order cook would be a good option. I start e-mailing my resume to a variety of jobs that I know I can do. After a month of searching, I haven’t even scored an interview. This seems to be a problem I cannot solve. I decide to beef up my resume and somehow make the gap of 10 years of unemployment look inviting. I have done several volunteer jobs and decide to list them to help disguise the glaring hole of work experience. By the way, anyone who does volunteer work should be automatically hired. Volunteer work is code for crap that any sane, paid employee doesn’t want to do. Why wouldn’t you hire someone who will do anything? Also, my friends have told me I need “buzz” words that employers look for on resumes. After doing all that, I’m ready again. Problem solved.
I soon find out the problem is not solved. I long for the day of sitting down in front of a human being and being able to sell myself to them. I want to walk into a business, greet people, show them how smart I really am even if I don’t subscribe to the Facebook and Twitter world. So I decide to buck the system and go old school. I actually used this fabulous invention called the telephone (even a land line one) and got my first interview! Problem solved.