I knelt down on the ground, in my lone backyard. I looked up at the clear blue skies and cried out my deepest plea. My heart twinged painfully. I sang any songs that barged through my mind… To God Be the Glory, Trust and Obey, I Surrender All, Rock of Ages, Amazing Grace… as I prayed for a miracle. A miracle in exchange for my personal desire. The desire that had been kept hidden since its surprising discovery. The desire that led me towards happiness. The desire that tarnished my upbringing and beliefs somehow.
The desire alone was more powerful than His image formed in my imagination. Its exciting love felt more real than His promises found in The Bible. Its own little ways of inspiring me to challenge life was stronger than His profound creations. However, I must sacrifice it to save somebody who deserved me more…
My father who had been in a coma for over two weeks now due to a car accident. The doctor had already given up, insisting us all to accept the fate that he would never wake up anymore despite all the desperate measures. My mom and my sister had now lost hope, urging me to sign the papers with them. But I strongly refused to do so. I wasn’t ready to lose a father yet, and I didn’t think I ever would be. I still needed him for more chitchats over coffee. And I was still looking forward to watching more Al Pacino movies with him. God would bring him back soon for sure. Deep down in my heart, I knew He wouldn’t disappoint me now. He wouldn’t. I prayed that He wouldn’t.
‘Sarah,’ my agent’s compassionate voice intruded.
‘I’m asking for a miracle,’ I muttered.
He stood before me and offered his hand. ‘Your mom just left a message on your machine,’ he informed me, ‘Your dad just woke up. Your prayer has been answered.’
And here was the last moment to admire his presence with utmost gratitude. The last glimpse of a dream-come-true. The last opportunity to shake his hand. And the last words were… ‘I am a daughter. I am not a star.’
He understood what I meant.
My desire… my sacrifice… I could only own it in my memory… even before it was ready to shine on me…