As I close my eyes,
I am in a place where time has no meaning,
A place where everything is in sync,
I close my eyes ever tighter because maybe, just maybe,
if I squeeze them really hard I can stay here that much longer,
because maybe if I squeeze them really hard all the bad things will go away,
if I squeeze them really hard maybe she will not be there,
by the time I re-open them,
but I know that this is not going to happen.
But I can wish, can’t I?
Isn’t that what children are supposed to do?
Dream and wish, have fantasies of far off places,
an imagination that will someday innovate a new idea?
But the only thing I dream of is a place to sit in the dark where no one can find me, and I just sit there happy to be alone,
but I am a long way from that place.
because no matter how long or how tightly I close my eyes I know she is still there,
because I can smell her hot breath as she breathes lustfully, trying to talk to me
I feel her body pressing up against mine as I lay on the bedroom floor
I feel her surrounding me, smothering me.
Taking something that I will never be able to get back again,
I feel a piece of me leaving every time she comes around
I, I …… I hate you!