As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I have often wondered why my father chose to sexually abuse me. I tried to reason it out and make some sense of a totally senseless situation.
Sexual abuse is never about sex. It is all about the need to have control and power. The bottom line on it all, however, is that each person is responsible for his own behavior.
Trying to understand why abuse happens is largely an exercise in futility for the victims of childhood sexual abuse. It will never make sense to you simply because it is such a senseless act. Rather than focusing upon the “why” of sexual abuse, we, as survivors must focus upon healing and recovery.
Just remember that recovery and healing is a process. It takes time and patience. Below I have outlined three of the initial steps to recovery from childhood sexual abuse.
Telling Yourself the Truth
One of the hardest things to do is to admit to yourself that one or both of your own parents (or other family members) have sexually violated you. Accepting this truth as a part of your life is soul-shattering. It is at this point when we realize that we were not valued by our family members, the very ones who should have loved and protected and cared for us. Because this truth is so difficult to accept and process, it is always best to work through sexual abuse issues with someone experienced in this field and with someone you can trust; this might be a therapist, a pastor, or another survivor lay person. The choice is always yours to make when it comes to your survival.
Telling Others About Your Abuse
Once you have the understanding that you have been sexually abused, you will need to confide this truth to someone in your world that is secure and trustworthy. Sometimes it is difficult to find such a person, simply because our trust has already been violated and trust does not come easily for us. Again, this person could be your pastor or a therapist; the choice is yours to make.
Believing Your Recovery is Possible
Generally, survivors of sexual abuse cannot comprehend that their lives really can be better. The betrayal, fear, poor self-image, guilt and shame are all the result of being sexually abused. The abuse itself is never the fault of the victim. Many abusers attempt to cast blame upon the victim in order to make themselves feel better, but the sexual abuse of a child, teen, or even an adult is never ever the fault of the victim. Many abusers are very good at “brain washing” their victims. Struggling with our belief system is not easy, but once you find the truth, hold onto it. You need to have a healthy support system in place early in your healing process so others can help you find the truth.
I am including links to two very good resources for further help to you in your healing process.