Disability of love
While writing this relationship article, I felt it was very important to cover all areas of what a relationship is and what kinds of relationships may be harder than others. After researching several different areas of being in relationships, I realized that not having a relationship was the hardest area of all. Only because it causes an emptiness of never knowing what it is to have another person love you.
So, while you may believe that you have experienced all areas of what love is, what it isn’t and all the things you like and dislike in a relationship, there are individuals that have never been in a relationship. I think this issue is very important to share because most couples nit-pick, point out all the ugliness in each other and forget to appreciate each other for all the great things their partner may bring to the relationship. To actually be able to feel what the reciprocation of love is even though many times the duality of the relationship may out way the entire relationship, you still have that person in your life. I am not suggesting that you should stay in a toxic relationship or abusive relationship. I am only stating that while most people have normal and great relationships they always find something so small to complain about.
Some people’s lives have never been touched by love for one reason or another. Being loved by your family and friends is not the same kind of love, because it does not include the intimacy only two people can share.
Some may have met someone they wanted to be in a relationship with but it never happened, some may have been too shy to attempt to talk to the other person, felt less of a person or possibly had a disability that made them feel that they were not good enough. So, I talked to a personal friend of mine to try to help others understand what it is to go through the disabilities of love.
Jaime Lopez, an educated man with his degree from A&M, in Special Education and a well known photographer spoke to me about what exactly it is to be in this situation.
As a man with Cerebral Palsy, Jaime Lopez states that he attended a special education school at a young age and he did not experience the social discrimination of dating or falling in love until he was later placed in a public school.
He was different, looked different and felt different. But let me say this was not by choice. He had a kind heart, open to love everyone. He carried a big smile and always got along with everyone, but that was not enough for his school mates.
Immediately, he was an outcast because he wore braces along his legs to help him walk. He attended school functions and became attracted to many girls but always heard the same thing, “You are not normal, so I cannot go out with you.”
I wonder if we step out of what society expects or wants from us, that possibly we could love someone with a disability. Someone very kind, attractive, with a big heart and successful. An individual that carries the same inner emotions, yet has an outer disability.
As people we complain that our significant other isn’t the right height, weight, doesn’t have the right job, and doesn’t make enough money. We complain that our partners don’t have great families but they are their families. Different than ours but family, we complain about so many small things and forget about the largest thing of all and that is that someone is actually willing to loves you.
How hard is it to accept that your partner doesn’t share a common interest in the music you enjoy? Or that your partner doesn’t eat the same foods you eat. Can we ever accept the differences in each other as a blessing, something that allows us to learn and grow from each other? To try new and different things? To be able to experience a whole new way of life, different traditions and become well rounded as individuals by opening our hearts and minds to acceptance.
Jaime Lopez experienced many people ridiculing him because he was different. He felt like an outcast because many individuals are taught at a young age to notice the things that are different as being bad rather than unique.
Being ridiculed, an out-cast and treated differently can only lead to sadness, depression and feelings of unworthiness. So when you start to complain about your relationship and everything that it is about, really stop and think for a minute about whether it is worth saying all those things out loud to another person. If it is worth losing that great person because you have personal, internal issues.
If something bothers you about another person to the point that they have become unattractive to you, then the best thing to do is to end the relationship and allow another person to be blessed with all the great things this person has to offer.
Jaime Lopez, clearly makes it known that he is not different inside, he may look different on the outside but he carries all the same emotions that someone would carry without a disability. It is hard enough going through life feeling that you aren’t good enough because of the things told to you, but to never find or have a personal relationship doesn’t make it easier. It justifies the words of the world, of even the youngest critics, as he experienced it.
Being friends with the opposite sex, giving advice, becoming part of the social light, getting a degree and so much more has not changed anything. So what is it that a person accepts or wants? Can you love someone for all the right reasons rather than all the wrong reasons?
Disability of love, yes that is what it is. We as society have created this long list of what love is, what it should look and feel like. But, who really takes chances anymore? Who really understand the true meaning of love? Who is in a satisfying relationship that doesn’t lack something within your own emptiness?
While most of you are looking at a person of disability, not understanding that they are internally like you. Talking away about yourself, taking advantage of the kind heart, this person has already heard your story.
They have heard it too many times already. “You are different in appearance but all the same internally”, states Jaime Lopez. Funny, but he is absolutely right. What has society taught us other than to complain and expect more but give less.
So, after you finish reading this relationship book and see all the things that couples do as one sided individuals. I say take a chance, open your heart and close your eyes to love! Put your Rose colored glasses on.
Really get to know someone for who they are and not what they look like on the outside. Just think, you may have been born with every toe, finger, leg and arm and by some freak accident lose something that was part of you.
Do you become part of the disability of love now. Are you the one that people will shun off because you are different. Will it take that much for you to realize that although that part of you no longer exists, you still have the same heart?
Hopefully, this will allow you to understand what disability of love is. It is an emptiness that is undeserved and undesired. Spend time getting to really know someone, be honest with that person, and share great things about each other with each other. If you are feeling that you are not willing to make changes or accept the other person for their differences then end it early on so that the other person can have the opportunity to be with someone that will love and appreciate them.