Belmont, MA–After 42 years of marriage, Mitt Romney has called it quits. According to TMZ, the GOP presidential candidate filed official divorce papers late Thursday afternoon, citing his “love for the Bank of America” as the catalyst for the split.
“I appreciate all the years I’ve experienced with my wife, and I especially appreciate the five beautiful children she gave me, but she just doesn’t do it for me anymore like the Bank of America does,” Romney told reporters while waving around a photo of him and the Bank of America square dancing together.
“When the Bank of America runs its hand down my crotch,” Romney continued as beads of sweat began to drip down his excited face, “it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life.”
He added, “Hot damn!”
In Related News: Romney Caught Making Out With Bank Of America At Iowa State Fair Petting Zoo
Moral of the story: Romney and Corporations sitting in a tree: K-I-S-S-I-N-G; First comes love; Then comes marriage; Then comes the lobbyist payment in a golden envelope.