Recently while communicating with my fellow male acquaintances, I was asked a question that I could not refuse. The question that seems to haunt many men on their quest for love and admiration is “Why do nice guys finish last?”
After much introspection of my life and past dating experiences, there was all too much I had to say. The answers, while controversial, had seemed so clear to me. While the answers may not apply to all women or all men, I can only hope that I can provide some sort of insight to the question at hand.
Over attachment and Clinginess
While most women would love to be adored and wooed we do not wish to be clung to at the hip every moment of the day. The over attachment may lower yourself worth. To the man it may simply being sweet and affection. However, to the woman it may only a provider of a sense of lack of self worth and vulnerability. If a man becomes so affectionate that he is overbearing it creates a feeling of being caged. The lack of freedom in love feels like bondage. Many women would also love to be given the opportunity to express their own creativity in love. Otherwise, over attachment can also be threatening to the lady. There must be a balance between the relationship and your own, as well as her own personal space.
We Seek a Hunter
While it may be assumed that we seek the tattoo covered bad boy for the thrill, I believe this is as equally true for some as it is false. Not all women seek a bad boy. Yet, I must admit in my own personal life a man with some sort of animalistic personality makes him attractive. Why? The excitement, the passion, the sensuality, and the protection are what are considered attractive. Perhaps, this also dates back to the times of early ancestors when the women were the nurturers and the men were the hunters. I without a doubt can say that I greatly require the presence of a wolf, and will prefer over the timid
You Stopped Caring For Yourself
This issue can be easily misunderstood. Is it to say that we are so shallow we rely entirely on physical appearance? Yes and no. It’s not necessarily that every woman prefers a tall, dark handsome man with chiseled abs. A few of the ‘nice guys’ who care so much about the rest of the world forget to care for themselves. To the female this may either show that the man is unable to care for himself, thus being primarily unable to care for her later on in the future whether being emotionally or physically. If a man is unable to love himself enough to care for himself how will he be expected to later offer her the comfort she requires?
Whining Speaks Desperation
I cannot stress this enough. I am not to say that a man should never ask for advice. Advice can be essential! There is a difference between asking for advice and merely seeking for attention. If you whine about women responding to your efforts in a negative way, we may wonder what is wrong with you. If you whine on the gloom and doom of relationships, we will be afraid to be in a relationship with you. If you dwell on the horrors of your former girlfriend, we may either assume you are not ready to be in a relationship or wonder how you will be describing us in the future. Worse, the whining not only causes a headache for the listener it also shows a lack of confidence within yourself and potentially lowers your personal value.
It is as wise for the man as it is the woman to be able to be independent in love before entering a relationship. If you place one couple together, back to back, and have the two leaning on one another in order to stand you will find that if one moves, the other is sure to fall on their derrière. This is to say that it is essential to be independent in love. There is nothing sexier than the willingness to care for yourself and the courage to stand alone. This is to speak confidence, and there is nothing sexier than confidence.