It is sincerely hoped that you are well these days. Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Eros, god of love. I know, I know what happened to Cupid? Let me clue you in on something, we are the same being. I am Cupid, Cupid is Eros, Eros is Cupid. Got it?
So Saint Valentines Day is coming up and you might be feeling depressed because you don’t have someone to be your Valentine. Well, I am here to tell you that you shouldn’t feel all that depressed. Love sometimes hurts, no I don’t mean in the emotional sense either, I mean in the physical sense. Love sometimes literally hurts, like black and blue hurts.
Let me explain, you see I came across this couple once. OK, they weren’t a couple yet but they are now and I tell you I’ve regretted it every since. Let’s go back to Seattle, 1971 about two weeks before Valentines Day.
Martha, was this lonely woman that went about her usual routine of life as she always did, going to work at the local Coffee shop. No I’m not going to tell you which one, my lawyers have advised me not to reveal the name or the location of the place until the law suit is settled. I will get to that part in a little while, for now just listen.
As I was saying Martha was this lonely woman that went her usual routine of life as she always did, going to work at the local Coffee shop. It wasn’t far away from where she lived, just a few short blocks so she walk to and from work each day. Martha wasn’t an overly attractive woman but she isn’t exactly unattractive either, I guess you could say that she was plain in the looks department.
Now Jacob on the other hand was this drop dead handsome fellow that like his coffee a certain way and he went from coffee shop to coffee shop to find a place that could make his coffee just so. You wouldn’t believe how much work it is to find a decent cup of Joe so I can relate to Jacob.
It just so happens Jacob was single and I kinda felt for the guy, you know? I would get a cup from time to time at Martha’s particular shop, she could make a mean cup of coffee if you know what I mean. So one day I decide to help Jacob out and gently guide him to Martha’s place of work.
Jacob always took the bus to work, he hated dealing with city traffic and he liked changing routes so he could see different parts of the city. So it just so happens that the particular bus he was on that day went by that particular coffee shop that Martha worked at. It was a cold day and the sun was trying to come out from behind the clouds.
On that day of all days I chose to take human form and walk amongst the mortals. Like I said it was about two weeks be for Valentine’s Day the busiest time of year for me and I wanted to relax a bit and have a cup of coffee. Man, I loved the way Martha made coffee, silly I know but a good cup of Joe is a good cup of Joe.
So any way Jacobs bus was coming by and in that moment I made a hasty decision and willed the tire to go flat. Jacob was the only passenger on the bus and he wasn’t in any hurry so he got off the bus. To his delight he found the coffee shop, he had never been there before so naturally he wanted to see if they had decent coffee. Well of course they did, if the coffee was good enough for the gods, it would be good enough for a persnickety mortal like Jacob.
The first thing that happens after Jacob enters is trip over the threshold. I should have taken the hint but for some reason I wasn’t paying much attention to the omens that day. As you will soon learn I would live to regret, even curse the day Jacob and Martha met.
The coffee shop wasn’t real busy that day, but then it never really is when I pay a visit. I don’t like crowds and I enjoy watching Martha work. She just seemed so content to be doing her job making coffee all day long. So like I was saying the shop wasn’t real busy and Martha went to see if Jacob was alright.
Neither one of them were particularly agile on their feet, to say that they were clumsy would be an understatement of ginormous proportions. I bet you were expecting me to say that “B” word, didn’t you. Sighs, well there’s a pending law suit on that word too. It seems that the big guy up stairs takes exception of making references to his book. Can you believe that? His book, the copyright has been expired on it for centuries now and he wants to claim divine privilege of all things. So I have to choose other adjectives to emphasize those things of size.
But that is another story, so Martha being the klutz that she is trips over a chair leg just as Jacob is getting up and blammo! There heads collide sending them both reeling backwards and falling flat on their backs. Now I would like to say that I didn’t laugh but that just wouldn’t be true. I thought it was the funniest thing since Abbot and Costello’s famous Who’s on First routine.
Fortunately neither one of them was seriously hurt and I felt bad for them so I bent the rules a bit and a little divine intervention. Big mistake as I would soon learn and later regret for all eternity. You see, I am technically only allowed to intervene on Valentines Day. The tire going flat on the bus was minor compared to my divine screw up.
Oh yes, we gods do make mistakes from time to time but my mistake was the Granddaddy of all mistakes. I used my divine power and influence to bring these two together in the bonds of love. I am the god of love after all, a title that I hope to be able to keep. Had I just waited until Valentines Day everything would have worked its way out just fine, but I guess I just figure what the heck, love was love.
When the two sat up their eyes made contact and in that moment I snapped my fingers and it was love at first sight. I bet you were expecting me to say that I shot them with my love arrows, let me let you in on a secret. First off they are only for really extreme situations and secondly, it is not exactly a good idea to walk around Seattle with a bow and arrow. There is also this rule about not letting mortals know that you are a supernatural being.
Now how can this be a bad thing, you ask? Well, for starters they both ended up with a concussion and had to go to the hospital. Because of this Martha lost her job, not that she needed it all that much but she was happy.
Jacob on the other hand wasn’t very happy, all he ever wanted was a decent cup of Joe and he ended up with a concussion and a new girl friend. Any way long story short they got married on, can you believe it, Valentines Day. She got pregnant on their honeymoon and could not stand the smell of coffee anymore.
Poor Jacob, married the best maker of Java and she had to quit due to a pregnancy. But since I intervened before Valentines Day they discovered who I was. You see on Valentines Day I can intervene all day long and not get noticed, but because of my goof I didn’t have that protection.
In the world of the gods any god that is discovered they get banished to Earth for a time. That’s what they did to me, I still have my powers and divine responsibilities. But now I am stuck here on Earth and subject to mans laws for that term. Martha is suing me for lost wages and mental aggravation, while Jacob is suing me for mental aggravation and alienation of affection.
No, no I don’t mean with his wife, with his coffee. Since Martha can’t make coffee anymore he can’t have it at all or she will get sick. If he drinks it out side the house and comes home she will get sick so he had to quick cold turkey and he really loved coffee.
Don’t get me wrong here, Jacob and Martha are a happy couple that are madly in love with each other. Maybe after she has the baby she can make coffee again, and maybe, just maybe they will forgive me and the God’s will let me come home. I really miss my home, but Happy Valentines Day just the same.
Yours truly, Eros.