What a beautiful Saturday afternoon on November 11, 2006. Mom and I arrived at home after her dialysis treatment. Mercy, mercy, mercy, the house smelled like a couple of skunks decided to fellowship in our back yard. We previously paid to have over ten skunks captured from underneath our deck and secured the opening, so we thought.
I contacted our family friend and neighbor Chris who stopped by and actually took care of the entire problem. Mom and I will always be eternally grateful for all his assistance. His response to the smell was “you’re not a kidding.” We had no choice but to place traps to capture them. Mom’s hospital bed was on the first floor and it was our highest priority to keep as much of the smell away from her.
I awoke Sunday morning and went to the back yard and noticed that the skunk was captured. We had made previous arrangements for our paratransit bus to take us to church. Because we had attended to our personal hygiene of showering/bathing and sprayed on our favorite perfume, we were oblivious to the fact that we had an odor. We were looking forward to seeing everyone.
When the driver loaded Mom unto the bus, she commented that the inside of the bus smelled like a skunk. My response was that the skunk smell was from the outside. The driver commented: “No Honey, the smell is in here. Smell the back of your Mom’s wheelchair.”
When we arrived to church, I mentioned to Mom that she would only be hugged once because her wheelchair smelled like a skunk. Of course, it could not be us, just the wheelchair.
We walked quietly into the sanctuary. Once the praise and worship singing started, I knew that we had a serious problem. We watched churchgoers moving their heads from left to right with their nose up in the air. According to one of our family friends Betty, she noticed that others gradually moved away from us during the church service which in itself was not typical.
I spoke to Mom and stated that “you stink, we need to leave the church service. ” Mom insisted that we stay.
After the benediction, it looked like the churchgoers left out of the church within five minutes. The word “Amen” was not said fast enough. Some “brave” friends were walking with us to our waiting area for the bus. We tried our best to avoid people. I could hear one churchgoer say: “There must be a skunk in the back of the church.” I commented to Mom and our friends: “we are the skunks.”
The driver who took us home from church could smell the skunk scent on us. He opened every window on the bus, and when we arrived at home, he carefully took Mom down the lift, and left as quickly as he safely could.
Now, the neighborhood smells like 100 skunks “broke wind/squirted” simultaneously.
I walked in the house, got Mom comfortable, and then I left to get some relief for both of us.
I went to a home improvement store and told the clerk that “we had skunk problems.” His response hesitantly was: “We know.” I needed to find the aisle with scent candles, just anything to get rid of the smell. My aroma was so great that the clerk only pointed to the aisle. He was not about to get close to me. I purchased at least ten candles to place in every room.
On Monday, I had a court date. I tried to avoid people and moved to the far left end of the bench. The clothes I was wearing was washed on Sunday night and, of course, I had showered. Well, I thought everything was O.K. until a woman stood up and literally smelled her armpits before the judge reached the bench. The gentlemen with her stated in a bass voice: “sit down.” The way I disguised myself was to look around pretending that someone else had the odor.
Tuesday was not any better. The skunk odor was still on us at dialysis even after we had taken care of our personal hygiene beforehand. I told a technician about the skunk and she knew something had happened when we walked in, but she did not want us to feel bad.
I telephoned one of our church family friends Pat and stated that she should not be a “fair-weather” friend and must visit us. She was with us “briefly” at church “that skunky Sunday”. She stopped by the house approximately one week later and went outside to see where the skunk was. The smell was still so bad that she had to take a shower after leaving us before visiting more people. Anyone coming to our house endured the smell with us for over three weeks.
Do not tell me that vinegar works to reduce the smell. I boiled vinegar, cinnamon, tomato juice, and poured a 48 ounce bottle of pine sol on the affected area. Nothing helped.
We love the Lord Jesus but I would comment to Mom that whenever I go to Heaven, I will ask Him: “Why did you create two skunks? They have no friends and stink.” It smelled so bad that I did not want to see any animals that were black and white for a long time.
A couple of weeks later I briefly visited with a family friend Mary from church at a retail store, and explained that we were unable to attend church because our house still smelled like a skunk. She stated: “I remember that skunk smell a couple of weeks ago when I closed the church, but did not know what happened.” I advised her that Mom and I were the “stinky winkies.”
Sista Momma and I would be in hysterics anytime we talked to anyone about the time we smelled like skunks because this was “completely” out of character for us. It is difficult to believe, but this is a true story.
Note: Given permission to use all the names of our friends in this non-fiction prior to publication.
Moral of the story: Skunks always have the right of way. No human being or creature is protected from their enormous smell once they skirt. When you accidental approach a skunk(s) make a u turn and drive, or run for your life.
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