While half of divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, research shows that people are generally very satisfied not only at the beginning of their relationship but also committed and optimistic about the future of their relationship. It is difficult to imagine that it could deteriorate
Why have they not been able to maintain their satisfaction and commitment then? Can we identify differences between couples who manage to live happy and those who fail? Are there factors that are predictors of success or failure of relationships?
A research has recently asked this last question. several couples were followed for several years. Different characteristics of their relationship (eg, their modes of communication differences in their level of commitment, sexual harmony, etc..) Were observed and measured. After a few years, while the couples were divided into two groups, those who are separated or considered themselves living alone and those who were satisfied with their relationship, the researchers checked whether membership in these groups were related to characteristics observed several years before. Could it have been easy to predict that the couple is about to brake ?
Various research teams found that certain characteristics make it possible, with a precision large enough to predict the probability of dissatisfaction and separation. Surprising result, they found that the positive aspects of a relationship that begins as the level of commitment, sexual harmony, intimacy, satisfaction, etc.. does not predict the likelihood of success of a relationship. What seemed predictor for cons, was how couples react to differences and conflicts should they arise.
For all couples, differences and conflicts inevitably arise. They must decide to live, how to divide tasks, how to manage money, what career focus, how to divide their leisure time, personal and with the family, etc. .. Differences in tastes, needs, priorities and ideas between the partners bring conflicts of interest often difficult to reconcile. According to this research, it is not having conflicts that would be predictive of failure, neither the number nor the areas of conflict. The happy couple after several years have also subjects of discontent, unresolved conflicts and sometimes painful discussions. But for couples who find themselves separated or dissatisfied, there would be much more frequently in certain ways to react to negative conflicts that are harmful. They should start a rock climbing where everything is interpreted more negatively. The thoughts and negative feelings towards the other become pervasive to the point that, in the daily, the positive aspects of the relationship are losing ground. There is not much of friendship is to say, respect and pleasure of being together
The failure of marital relationships would be due, the researchers said, erosion of the positive aspects exerted by the negative behavior. A negative act would offset many positive acts (do an activity together, making love, etc.).. This would have positive aspects that led the partners to be together and that fueled their satisfaction in the early days would not predict the success of their relationship
Thebestyouare.com is a full guide to self help and self development. A lot of articles on our website deal with relationship problems. The aim of these articles is to make you reach a good health so you can better perform in your daily life and reach all your goals.