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Question
I’m 18, and I have a 5-month-old son with my 19-year-old boyfriend. He has always been a drinker, but in the last few weeks he has gone out drinking after work and not come home until he is completely drunk. He acts stupid and demands sex when he gets home, and then in the morning denies he went out the previous night. He doesn’t seem to care about my feelings or the baby’s. He accuses me of cheating on him during the day, but doesn’t want to be home in the evenings. He has helped me through some hard times before, and I’m confused, because he was so supportive during the pregnancy. Why is he acting this way?
Answer
Let me tell you a few things about your boyfriend that you probably do not know.
He didn’t realize how much having a baby would change his life. And like many of us, he doesn’t really like change.
He doesn’t like sharing you. And babies sure can eat up a lot of your time.
He feels the pressure of added responsibility. And sometimes he doesn’t think he can meet the challenge.
He needs help dealing with his problems. And right now, he thinks he can find the answers in a bottle.
He likes the idea of having a baby, as evidenced by his actions during the pregnancy. And he was unprepared for the reality.
Your boyfriend has some growing up to do. And you can ease the process through encouragement.
Start by involving the man in family activities on days he does not work. Don’t just stay at home, but take the baby to activities the man enjoys. Tell him you could use some time away from the baby and ask him to entertain the boy while you try to take a nap.
Let him know that you appreciate him, and all he is doing to support the family. Many men who support stay-at-home mothers feel cut off from their kids because the woman takes care of all the baby’s needs. Make your boyfriend understand that the breadwinner/caregiver partnership falls apart without the work of both parties.
Given the man’s tendency to go out in the evening – even before the baby’s birth – he may not know what to do when faced with the prospect of staying home for the next 18 years. Split the difference by inviting friends over once a week and going out to dinner as a family once a week.
Granted, the only one who can make your boyfriend adjust to the changes in his life is your boyfriend. But faced with his obvious inability to make the transition to parenthood, I suggest you try to provide a soft landing. He was there for you when things got rough. Return the favor, and when he gets with the program, hopefully both you and your baby will enjoy smoother sailing.
Question
Is the slogan, “Feel for lumps, save your bumps” inappropriate for a cheerleading squad to wear at school? The shirts with the slogan are pink, and the cheer squad is raising money for breast cancer awareness.
Answer
Other than providing yet another reason for hormone-laden teenage boys to ogle girls’ breasts, neither the slogan nor the T-shirts are inappropriate on their own. Breast-cancer awareness has become an increasingly popular cause. If the nationwide push actually causes more women to look for cancer warning signs, I see no problem with your cheerleaders trying to think pink.
However, a fair number of parents, and even a few children, will find the slogan vulgar. With some thought, the cheer squad probably could have some up with a less-polarizing catchphrase. So are the T-shirts bad? Not really. Could they have been a lot better? Definitely.
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