Surely, Kris with a “K” Humphries knew he was just the eleventh-hour replacement for Kim’s long-standing, ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush. Her sisters were getting married and having babies before the leader of the sister “K”- pack, so someone had to stand in for the groom part scripted in the most highly-promoted, corporate sponsored wedding of all time.
Since Kim’s step-dad is Bruce Jenner–and wow, wasn’t that a break for him that product placement paid for the party–her very loyal, late father’s BFF was O.J. Simpson, and her sis-siblings all have athletes of their own, the search was on for a professional sportsman to meet Kim at the altar for her star-studded, media-blitzed, paparazzi-perfect televised nuptials.
Kris, Humphries, not Jenner, could not have had one too many balls hit him in the head for him to think this was anything but a short-lived gig on the reality show. But, just in case he did think this was a love connection or fans of KK clan thought Kris was Kim’s true love–well, at least the first of a few in her life, as she is a Hollywood celebrity famous for nothing except being friends with some ‘celebutantes’ and substance-abusing actors–here are some clues it was a staged production promoting Product Kardashian lines, not lineage. Viewers should have been suspicious a la “The Hills”, where the final scene took place on a sound stage leaving viewers questioning how “real” that reality show turned out not to be.
K-Dash Pre-Wedding Sale
You were put in the shopping basket because your name starts with K.
Your bride secures $1 Million for the wedding album designed by a fan magazine.
You did not pay a videographer. Your in-law’s network paid the K’s $15 million for the rights to your wedding video.
Kris Jenner, mother-in-law to be, buys a new face to resemble husband, Bruce.
K-Dash Wedding Day Sale
As guests arrive, you hear reporter’s shout out “Who are you wearing?”
Kim has three Vera Wang wedding dresses for one wedding.
There is bleacher seating for fans, guests, or grandma on either side of the ‘white’ carpet.
Lindsay-who-wants-to-drop-Lohan, criminal on probation, is invited.
Dina, who dropped ‘Lohan’, and apparently, Lindsay, at age 12, is invited.
Ali Lohan, Lindsay’s recently-emaciated-but-blaming-growth-spurt runway model sister, is invited.
Lilo’s inability as of late to guarantee the world-wide paparazzi factor, given the fact she misses court and probation appointments–never a booze-flowing shindig, however,— to be on the safe side, a few other invited A-listers, none of which know any family member, show up as a favor to their couture- designer friends.
K-Dash Honeymoon Sale
Kylie, Kim’s little half-sister, debuts her modeling career at New York Fashion Week during what should be your private honeymoon period. However, you have a front row seat assuring paparazzi see you and Kim laughing, smiling, and happy-just not with or at each other.
Mama Kris’ memoir hits shelves, with teasers about O.J.’s involvement in Nicole’s murder, in October.
QVC’s Kardashian Kollection launches in October.
Dash, the family business couture store, opens at the Mirage in Las Vegas, in October.
The previous three events, probably scheduled way in advance to launch in October for a lucrative holiday selling season, and way before a wedding date starring you was squeezed in for ratings, occur on the day Kim files for divorce-exactly one year after your first meeting.
K-Humph Sold in 72 Days
Kim files for divorce stating that the pair could not get past their relationship’s irreconcilable differences. However, they are very good at reconciling their wedding’s income statements. Kris is estimated to have increased his daily income from $40,000 a day to $250,000 when all is said and done. So, it is good thing for him she tossed him in her fake-hubby basket.
Later, Kim tweeted @ Miss Manners: do we have to return the #guest’s gifts?