If you have a grown son or daughter who’s an alcoholic or drug addict, it can ruin your life, too, if you don’t find recovery yourself, as well as apply some basic survival tools.
What Not to Do Don’t enable! This includes all forms of financial support. As long as you continue to rescue your grown child, he (or she) won’t get well, but worse. Granted, it’s not easy when he calls, asking for help. However, you have to learn to say no and mean it. Instead, tell your grown child, “We’ll support you emotionally, spiritually, and morally, but not financially”. If you have trouble getting the words out, first practice saying them before you have to give your speech. Then, once you’ve mouthed the words, stick by your guns. Otherwise, you won’t be taken seriously. Don’t lie or cover for them – If your grown child is out of control, you may have to call the police.
What You Can Do Give helpful information – Encourage them to attend AA and/or NA meetings. Check out rehabilitation and treatment centers – There are scores of different alcohol and abuse treatment centers found in almost every area of the country. Teen Challenge (not just for teens but young adults, too) not only attends to the physical issues of substance abuse, but also provides a faith-based program that address a substance abuser’s need for God. Listen – Instead of lecturing, learn to listen when your grown children calls without giving in and helping him financially. Set rules – If your child lives with you, but continues to abuse drugs and alcoholic, warn him that he’ll have to leave. Then, act immediately if he refuses to obey your rules. Throwing a son or daughter out of your house isn’t easy, but it’s something you have to do if he chooses to not respect you by not abiding by your standards and house rules. Let go -If you start to see your child falling, don’t rush in with a cushion, but just let him fall. Often alcoholics and drug addicts have to crash before they reach out for recovery. In other words, they have to want recovery.
Get Help Yourself
If someone in your family has a substance abuse problem, it’s not just his problem, but everyone close to him. In fact, many parents suffer from codependency and need just as much (or even more) help as their addicted children. That’s why it’s imperative to plug into a support group such as Alanon. Check for a Alanon Family Group near you by visiting their website.
When Your Child Gets Out of Rehab
Also known as “sober houses” or halfway houses, sobriety houses are recovery houses (usually based on the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous) where recovering alcoholics are given a safe and loving, as well as supervised environment. It’s important a recovering alcoholic or drug addict takes advantage of this program before reentering life before recovery.
Regardless of how much you love your child, you’re not the best one to help him. Too often young people relapse soon after their rehab treatment if they don’t first spend some time at a sober house.
Finally, don’t give up. There’s always hope. Just learn to walk in guarded optimism, only placing your expectation in God alone (rather than people and circumstances). While your child is working on his recovery, focus on your own.
Originally published on Suite 101.