It’s been a summer of revenge at the movies. Battling bridesmaids, hostile hot teachers, frustrated members of the help and horrible bosses have all provided cathartic moments for moviegoers. In these difficult times, it’s not surprising. There will always be a universal thrill in cheering on the rise of the severely-pissed-off.
In the past, it wasn’t just comedies where the common man battled threats. Especially among male audiences, the perfect call to action was in “Die Hard.” Bruce Willis, while off-duty, would champion over terrorists, bombs and broken glass in his feet in the classic 1987 film and three sequels. It was often reported since the late 80s that this winning formula prompted producers to use a shorthand in their pitches to the studios such as “it’s ‘Die Hard’ in an amusement park or it’s ‘Die Hard’ at the White House.” The pitches became so overwhelming that one unknowing writer once pitched “‘Die Hard’ in a building.”
Wouldn’t it be great if retired NYPD officer John McClane could take care of our everyday nuisances? And honestly, wouldn’t it feel better if the bad guys could blow up some of those nuisances first?
Is there anyone who likes seeing those traffic officer carts that go around marking your tires so that they know later if your meter has expired? How is it that some modern-day Hans Gruber hasn’t started exploding those carts up and down the boulevard? Yippee-ki-yay, it’s “‘Die Hard’ in a No-Parking Zone!”
If you are unlucky and lose your license, you will face a living hell. Next summer, get in line and wait, and wait, and wait, for “‘Die Hard’ at the DMV!”
Or just stay home, remove the ceiling tiles, climb up to the attic and wait for the cable guy (between the hours of 9 and 5) for “Cable Free or ‘Die Hard!’“
Trace that call and travel across town to uncover that telemarketer who keeps calling in “‘Die Hard’ and Don’t Call Back!”
‘Come out to coast, have a few laughs,’ griped McClane. But even the airport drama of “Die Hard 2″ was during much lighter security standards. Now, can he withstand “‘Die Hard’ TSA?”
Did you just spend $100 for a night out and a babysitter? Are those people next to you talking or texting? It’s “‘Die Hard’ in a Movie Theater!”
Are you overpaying for car repairs? Coming to drive-ins: “‘Die Hard’ with a Die-Hard Battery!”
The easiest solution to clean up this country in a day would be to have John McClane and Jack Bauer team up for “Die Hard: 24.” But when happens when they are racing to save the day and the closest rest room is being cleaned when they need it? Things are going to get messy.