Sometimes knowing between what to tell your young children now and what is best approached later isn’t very easy. They have grown up so much from the baby you first met, and often seem wise beyond their years. Still, there are a few things that should wait until they’re older; and these topics are often not as obvious as you’d think. Consider the following four examples. It may be tempting to approach these with your young child, but you’ll likely find you’ve created more confusion than understanding.
Which family members you dislike
It’s true what they say; you can’t choose your family. People of all personality types are thrown into a group at random based on ties to the same DNA sometime in the past. There’s bound to be someone in your family that you have grown to dislike.
But your 7-year-old doesn’t need to share in your aversion. Not only my she find this person pleasant (*gasp*), but when you send the message that family time is often an annoyance, she may grow to disvalue the extended family. Since the benefits of strong family connections certainly outweigh any minor feuds, emphasize the pleasure family brings instead. If she decides she dislikes a family member later on, that’s her decision; but she’ll also better understand why she has to put up with them regardless.
Their weight problems
If your 7-year-old is overweight, this is your problem, not his. If the problem is medical, get him to a doctor. If it is diet and exercise related, then it’s up to you to feed him healthier foods and provide more outdoor play.
Telling your child you’re playing outside because he’s overweight says two things: first, that you wouldn’t have played with him if he weren’t over weight; and second, that there’s something wrong with his appearance and that’s very important to you. Often children are not capable of separating healthy concern from criticism. Instead of telling him you’re doing these things because of his weight, tell him it’s because they’re fun and will help him grow up healthy and strong.
Your political positions
Kids this age see the world in black and white. Trust me. As a child who grew up with Jehovah’s Witnesses, I often experienced teasing or resentment for not celebrating Christmas or saying the pledge. In their eyes, these actions told them that I hated Jesus, Santa Claus, and America. That certainly was not the case; but I couldn’t explain the reasons behind my actions (too young), and they only knew that they were taught that it was right to do those things, so if someone isn’t doing them, they must be wrong.
Because children often lack the adult understanding of a middle ground, political opinions should wait until their older. When you tell your child that you disagree with President Obama, all she hears is “Obama is bad.” When she goes to school and a child says he likes Obama simply because he is the president, she may get upset or not understand. If she proclaims she doesn’t like him, she may find her peers assuming she doesn’t like America because she doesn’t like the president.
Problems with their school
I like my daughter’s school well enough, but sometimes it’s irritating. Some years I feel completely out of the loop and have to call or drop in just to be certain everything is okay. Then they abruptly change their policy and over whelm me with papers, emails, and phone calls about every little thing (I was getting calls about the 5th grade science club when my daughter was only in 1st!) Out of frustration, I’ve probably said something about how ridiculous it all is.
Apparently my daughter overheard this. Come report card time, I noticed a pronounced drop in her grades. When I went to parent teacher conference, the teacher said that she had become less enthusiastic about doing her homework. So we asked my daughter what was going on, and she responded with an enthusiastic “This school gives out too many unimportant papers. You said so, Mommy.” Eek!
Yep, I had unintentionally spread my apparent disrespect for the school to my daughter and given her an excuse not to do her homework. Kids are sneaky like that!
More from this contributor:
10 Tips for Keeping Your Kids Active This Winter
Tips for Raising Strong and Empowered Girls
Green Ways to Go Back to School